Monthly Archive: September 2012

Decisions, decisions…

Lately it seems that so many of the people in my life are going through transition, myself included. It feels at times as though I’m loosing my marbles – those ways I’ve relied on so much over the years aren’t working as well, don’t give me the comfort and sense of well being they used to offer.

It’s times like these that I turn to something that takes me out of myself, and in this case, it was Steering by Starlight, by life coach Martha Beck. I’d started it at least a year ago, liked it, then got interested in something else.  It landed in my read pile that only grows, and grows.  Finally, for some instinctual reason, I fished it out, and found a lot of verification that I was, indeed, on the path I needed to take. And that it is worth every minute of anxiety and other disturbing moments that have been ever-present lately.

Here’s one thing I’d like to share with you from the book.  I’m the kind of person who has a number of daily inner battles between what seems reasonable (based on rules, proprieties, etc., etc., etc…..) and what feels great.  Often I’ve opted for “reasonable”.  It works fine but isn’t inspiring, doesn’t leave me feeling great – only satisfied in a kind of dull way.  It’s like the difference between sipping a middle-of-the-road wine and a fine wine.  Or the difference between sitting down to a tomato salad or sitting down with a good friend over a sun-ripened heritage tomato, sliced with fresh buffalo moarella, and drizzed with fresh-pressed Umbrian olive oil.

The first leaves me feeling weighted down, as if I’m walking around with weights hanging from my chest; uninspired.  Martha refers to this feeling as “Shackles on”.  The second leaves me feeling strangely open, you might say allergy-free, able to breath in and take in deeply.  Martha calls this feeling “Shackles off”.  It’s a way of instantly knowing which choice to go for, which way will bring me greater satisfaction and ultimately steer me along my path with heart.

On second thought…

This morning I slept in, finally got up feeling lazy. I’d been sick all week, and insanely busy, but not today. Today, there was nothing on the list of things to do. Yeah!

Got some coffee, read a little, then finally reached for my iphone and noticed a text from my tenant. Oh, Oh! She sent it at 5 this morning. The breaker went again and this time her whole apartment is in darkness. My immediate response: why is this happening now!?! Couldn’t rouse her, so figure she’s already at work. Sent a bunch of texts, an email. Nothing. Don’t want to switch on the breaker because its the third time and this is supposedly brand new wiring. So I call the contractor who did the job – nothing, not even a voice message – has he left the country?
My panic escalates. Then I think (thank god for thinking!)… no fire, the rest of the house is fine…no flood… I have plenty of extension chords and there are other electricians in this town. After an hour, I’ve spoken with my tenant, found another electrician, finally got a message off to the contractor, and maybe even learned something I needed to know as a result of this imagined crisis. I learned that is wasn’t so bad, and that my tenant’s use of those outlets uncovered a potentially serious problem that was no longer serious as a result.
And I didn’t waste the whole rest of this beautiful day fretting about something that was really not that big a deal.