Tag Archive: patience

Success: Persistence, Patience and the ability to withstand rejection

For anyone who has a dream – their own business, independence and financial freedom, becoming a successful artist – or healer – or dancer – or computer programmer – or accountant.  Whatever your dream, whatever you go after with passion, is the thing that you uniquely create.  It’s your baby, and it’s something that’s not only valuable and worthwhile to you, but to the rest of us as well. Each one of us has a special gift.

And yet, as any creator will know after a short while, once you offer it to the world and test it out in the real world, no matter how valuable it is, your beautiful creation won’t be automatically seen for what it truly is.  It won’t be appreciated and embraced. It might not even be noticed for a long time.  The biggest effort any creator will ever have to make is in how to successfully connect with others so that they see what you see, and value it as you do.

Yes, a tiny percentage of us are lucky. The vast majority of us, though, must persist.
Dani Shapiro discussed this in a recent interview. She emphasized that our special gift (she was referring to writing, but it can be for any gift) is useless if you don’t have the muscles of persistence, patience, and the ability to withstand the indignities and rejection inherent in the life of any creator. Gifts are nothing without endurability.

With every seeming or real rejection, you need to silence that little voice that says you’re deluding yourself, that you really aren’t any good. As long as you’ve done your homework and developed your skills, take comfort in the fact that the rest is simply a part of the process of creating. So, get on with it. There may be a hidden gem in what you get back that you can use; otherwise, accept that not everyone will like or understand what you are offering, and move on.

There are at least 3 things you can do to persist through rejection:

  • Compartmentalize: do the necessary everyday things that need your full attention, then start over and be available again, fully, for what’s important. If you’re into ritual, as I am, then get that coffee and space ready before beginning so that you set yourself up for success.
  • Connect: with those who can help you, or mentor you. Fellow travellers who understand what you’re feeling and know as well as you do that you have something worthwhile to offer.
  • Congratulate: Celebrate your daily success, no matter how big or small. I take a few minutes every day to write my “wins” for the day.  Every win teaches me to refocus on delight.

The quote below is from a man who knew rejection and persisted, sometimes for years.  His message to the rest of us is that we aren’t alone, and that it’s worth it.

Now I’d love to hear from you about your own experiences, knowledge, opinions.  In the comments below, share one thing that you experienced as a mirror moment that changed your day, or even your life.

This newsletter is in three parts: the first part is my contribution; the second is a video I’ve found that relates to the topic in part 1; the third is a quote. I hope you enjoy the richness this brings to the topic of the week with all three parts.

Helen Clarke – The Power of Persistence

 Quote of the Week
Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. 
― Winston S. Churchill

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At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us. I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co

Patience, one of the 7 pillars of mindfulness

Patience

There are 7 pillars of mindfulness that are contemplated as part of a Buddhist practice.  Cultivating patience is one of these.

It’s said that with patience, we understand and accept that sometimes things must unfold in their own time.  In this way, patience is a form of wisdom – it reminds us that we, along with every thing in existence is in process, and that this process can’t be hurried.  Try forcing a square peg into a round hole: if you persist, the peg will likely break and the hole will become deformed.  The same happens with every process we attempt to force.

So often, it’s us we try to force, becoming impatient with our own process. We loose weight too slowly (then gain it back too quickly); we keep stumbling over mistakes while learning, ignoring or forgetting that stumbling is a necessary part of learning; we want it all – NOW – knowing in the back of our minds that anything worthwhile takes time.

I’d like to distinguish the mindful quality of patience from a natural energetic that some of us have that’s called impatience.  Some of us naturally move fast, think fast, walk fast.  If you’re like this, it’s as natural for you to be this way as it is for someone else to saunter.  Trying to force yourself to slow down wouldn’t work any better than trying to force a slow person to speed up, and may indicate an impatience to achieve some kind of imagined perfection that actually goes against what you are naturally.  It’s a kind of lack of acceptance and tollerance that I’ll cover in a few weeks.

Patience brings self-compassion to our awareness, helping us acknowledge and accept our own process. This kind of compassion melts away all inner resistance, allowing us to be open to each moment as it happens – without judgment – trusting that the process is unfolding perfectly as it is.

The next time you find yourself getting impatient with something you’re doing – even meditating (many of us believe there is a “right” way to meditate, for instance) – take some time to be with the feeling, and with the sensations this creates in your body.  Let is simply be, taking an interest in your natural, organic process of being with these feelings and sensations.

I first read of the 7 pillars of mindfulness in Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book on mindfulness Full Catastrophe Living. These pillars are Buddhist principles that help us be present and mindful in our everyday living. The 7 meditations I offer to anyone who signs up on my website www.thejoyofliving.co are based on these, and I use them in my own meditation practice.

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .