Tag Archive: Seth Godin

Price vs cost – is it worth it?

Imagine this: You’re planning a vacation for you and your friend; you go ahead and make all the reservations, booking the flights for both of you. Then, a few days before the trip, you two have a big fight, and your friend disappears.  You’re left to deal with what to do next.

If that’s ever happened to you, it sucks! It hurts, even if you find someone else to go with. Even if you go anyway and have a great time.

That event cost both you and your friend: it cost you time and money, but it cost your friend a lot more.

Here’s another story that might be closer to home:  the momentary lapse in good judgment.

  • Eating the extra cookie, telling myself I deserve it and that it won’t make much difference.
  • Looking away when I see an acquaintance across the street, telling myself that I don’t have time to chat just now.
  • Trying to fit too many things into a very short timeframe, so that I’m not paying attention to what I’m doing while chopping vegetables with a very sharp knife.

All of those things have happened in my life.  The last one nearly cost me my thumb.

Seth Godin in a recent blog invites us to consider the difference between Price and Cost. Price, he says, is a simple number. Cost is what we have to give up to get what we want.

When I nearly cut my thumb off, I thought I wanted to complete an impossible number of tasks from my to do list.  What I really wanted was to decrease my anxiety that I’d end up not succeeding in launching something important to me.  All that make-work, along with my distraction and energy drain, was the cost.
But if I’m being honest, my real desire was to make this launch a success.
To know that, I had to stop the busy-work, and sit with my feelings. Only then was I able to focus on what really mattered.
The price was a few minutes of discomfort.  The cost was giving up the lie that make-work will make success happen.

Now I’d love to hear from you about your own experiences, knowledge, opinions.  In the comments below, share one thing that you experienced as a mirror moment that changed your day, or even your life.

This newsletter is in three parts: the first part is my contribution; the second is a video I’ve found that relates to the topic in part 1; the third is a quote. I hope you enjoy the richness this brings to the topic of the week with all three parts.

The price of happiness
worth
Quote of the Week
Now I know what a ghost is. Unfinished business, that’s what.
― Salman Rushdie, The Satanic Verses

 

Announcements
At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us. I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co

Mon, Dad and the Kids – How our families help us grow

family

I sit and watch a friend agonizing over something she’s writing, moaning she’s no good at this kind of thing. She does this all the time.  She writes for a living and is really pretty good at it, but that doesn’t stop the moaning and occasional self-doubt.

It may be true that she wasn’t born with a natural talent to put words on paper. I really can’t think of anyone who is. But she’s developed that talent: encouraged by teachers and family, not only to pursue what she wanted to pursue, but also by their own power of example, showing her how to live successfully. Her accomplishment is just as real and “valid” as if she were born with it. She’s worked really hard to get to the level of competence she’s at, and I applaud her.

Seth Godin, in his recent blog titled The Musclebound Baby, reminded me that when we see a person with a lot of muscles, we don’t assume they were born that way.  Instead we assume they worked hard to develop those muscles.

Family traits are way more than what gets handed down through genes.  We all know that. How our parents raise us; how we were nurtured by them; how they modeled being an adult to us; even the family culture – all of these are major influencers in the way we develop.  There’s even some evidence that some traits are picked up at a cellular level, even if not genetically (For instance, we now know that if a mother is malnourished during pregnancy, she will carry that information in her cells to her offspring down the generations).

What I find so cool is knowing that whatever I’ve picked up from my parents, I can use to build up my strength.  Sure, I can also use them to limit myself, but I’d rather see what I can make of them to expand my capabilities and options.

Like my friend, who learnt through dogged effort (which she learned from her Mother) to write well.

 

NOTE: the photo above is from a BING screenshot.  It’s something you can get, as I did, if you have a Windows Operating System.

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

The secret to building trust and never feeling alone again

After waiting 20 minutes on the line for a customer service rep to get back to me, the line suddenly goes dead.  When I call back, and after re-stating all the preliminaries – my name, email address, phone number, and what the issue is, I end up getting bumped to someone else. After restating everything again, I’m told it isn’t something they deal with, and they end the call. I know it is something they deal with, so if I have time to do it all over again, I try another time, hoping to get someone else who is more responsive.

Have you ever experienced this?

Probably – it’s more common that anyone would like. All I really needed from that rep were words like r “That sucks, would you mind holding for a few minutes while I see what I can do?” (and then after a few minutes get back to me with an update).  I know before I call that my problem might not be fixed the way I’d like, but knowing the person at the other end is doing their best leaves me feeling that person cares, and I end up trusting that they will follow through.

Seth Godin talks about how hard it is to build trust, and how easy to destroy it:  All it takes is a moment –  a few thoughtless words, “a heartless broken promise, a lack of empathy”  – and the trust is gone.

As a therapist and coach, building trust is all-important. I go to great lengths to let my clients know that they are stepping into a safe space with me.  Without that security, there’s no way they can do their work. I also know how easy it is to break that trust with a thoughtless word or gesture.

The way to build trust – and to break it – is simple.  When I care about the person in front of me, I build trust; when I don’t care, I break it.

This holds true for the customer service rep, the owner of the local dry cleaner, the banker, our financial advisor – even the mailman.  It also holds true for our close relationships.

John Gottman steps through what makes intimate relationships either what he calls “master” or “disaster” relationships. In a relationship that works – a “master” relationship –  the two people show, in various ways, that they care for the other person.  They do this by listening, by keeping a space open for them, by being gentle in their approach. In relationships that are “disasters”, the two people show they don’t care mostly because they feel defensive and are so busy protecting themselves that they haven’t the capacity to care.

At this point, it’s interesting to see the way we relate to another as the way we relate to ourselves – that whoever is in front of us is in an important way a mirror of ourselves.  If we show contempt towards that mirror, what we’re really doing is showing contempt for ourselves.  When we care for that person in the mirror, we care for ourselves.

And so, the next time you find yourself about to yell at that neglectful customer service rep, try this: take a moment and a few deep breaths, and then mirror some genuine care for their lives. And see what happens.

Now I’d love to hear from you about your own experiences, knowledge, opinions.  In the comments below, share one thing that you experienced as a mirror moment that changed your day, or even your life.

This newsletter is in three parts: the first part is my contribution; the second is a video I’ve found that relates to the topic in part 1; the third is a quote. I hope you enjoy the richness this brings to the topic of the week with all three parts.

Simon Sinek – Why good leaders make you feel safe

building trust

Quote of the Week
When people cared about each other, they always found a way to make it work.
– Nicholas Sparks

Announcements
At times we need more – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us. I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages. For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co