Monthly Archive: October 2018

Tiny vs Large

I was sitting one recent Sunday morning fretting over something I’ve been involved in, wondering – as I often do – about which possibilities were worth pursuing.  Then, to give my brain a rest, I spent time puzzling over a Suduko game instead.  In Suduko, the objective is to position numbers in such a way that they don’t repeat in any row, column, or square. It really soothes my mind when my mind is worked up. Each to their own!

My strategy when playing this game is to place possibilities in the top corners of individual squares, and certainties for that square in the middle. Inevitably, I would accidentally switch numbers, so that what should have been a 2 beside a 4, for instance, I’d write down as a 4 beside a 2. Then I’d spend time tracing back what I’d done to figure out where that happened.

That particular morning, I did something different. A very small change: I made the possibilities really tiny and the certainties really big. And for once, I didn’t do any accidental switcheroos. So simple a solution, and so powerful a result!

Then I wondered: How could this help me in other ways? You see, I spend much of my time musing over possibilities. In fact, I can get so caught up in them that they are as real as whatever is actual at the time.

What if, instead, I added a degree of separation between possibilities and actualities?
I’m going to try it out, and report back.

What reality?

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Quote of the Week

“Who you are tomorrow begins with what you do today.
― Tim Fargo

Announcement

Blog: In case you missed it, here’s my latest blog.

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co . Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co.

Make it Real!

real

I’m a dreamer. I have a vision that is powerful enough to move me in the direction I’m on, and keep me there even when things are tough. I want to make a positive difference in my world, and live what I teach. I want to live happy and teach others to live that way. I also have smaller dreams that propel me forward – every-day dreams that are more like plans, and that go towards feeding my big dream.

When I first tried to articulate my dream, I was surprised to discover that it was vague – so vague that is was almost meaningless.  It took me a while of getting inspiration from different sources – my heroes, writers, spiritual leaders – then writing and trying it out, then rewriting and trying it out again and again, before I felt that what I was saying matched my dream.

Before I was a therapist and coach, I was a project manager, working on big projects with a lot of layers and people. I loved putting it all together, beginning with what was wanted at the end, and moving backwards. Filling in the details – first in broad strokes, then in increasingly finer details.

Even today, I have a daily To Do list. Each item on that list, no matter how mundane, moves me towards my big dream. It’s thrilling to me to watch myself make progress and to write “done” beside each task. It actually adds to my daily and overall joy.

Kelly Corrigan said “You have to speak your dream out loud.”  She’s right! By writing it down or speaking it out loud, you begin to make your dream concrete and real.

What’s your dream?

Announcements

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up for my insider newsletter, click here.  If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

Betrayed by Facebook!

Several months ago, after writing a newsletter and blog twice each week for a few years, I suddenly get an influx of Friend requests on Facebook.  At first, I was overjoyed. Then I discovered that these “friends” weren’t the kind of people who I’d expect to like my writing. So, I began the laborious job of unfriending them.  But really, I was taking my time, not thinking it was something that had to be done immediately.

Then one day, I get a request from the Facebook Messenger system asking if I wanted to activate it.  I did, and that’s when I was betrayed by Facebook.  Every time I got onto Facebook after that, I’d get interrupted by “Friends” and non-friends (people I never friended) wanting to talk. It was like having the hiccoughs and not being able to end it.

Then I started getting photos and videos I didn’t want and never asked for. Yes, I can – and did – block these. But by this point I was feeling distinctly harassed.

I tried de-activating Messenger, only to discover that I couldn’t. I messaged Facebook and let them know the situation and how I was feeling, and to please!deactivate Messenger.  No response.

That’s when removing all unknown “friends” became a priority. I did it. En masse.

At last. Peace.

I learnt something from this: don’t be so hasty in assuming that people really want to be friends with me simply because they say so – on Facebook. And always keep in mind that Facebook has its own agenda that isn’t necessarily mine.

OK. So that was Facebook.  But it could have been almost any large corporate business these days.  With Facebook, there’s no real way of contacting them – as with many online businesses. So, I’m left with something that’s broken and that I need to work around rather than simply fix or get rid of.  Oh, I know they’re a big company and they can’t respond to all complaints or concerns. But they need to. Just like I need to. Just like you need to. If you and I want to maintain our connections in a good way.

Being betrayed by big business might not seem as big a deal as being betrayed by a real friend.  But in a way it is. It’s just that we are so used to this from companies these days that we tend to shrug it off with resignation and cynicism.

I think there’s more I can do. I can write about it and see if that makes a difference.
This isn’t about painting Facebook or any other large company into the corner of evil-doing. It’s about expecting good service instead of negligent service.  And I wonder: if we never complain, why would they think anything’s wrong?

How the NSA betrayed the world’s trust

Quote of the Week

“Betrayal leaves us at a fork in the road … we can become stuck in a bad moment forever or we can put it behind us for good. We decide our path. “

– Carmen Harra

Announcement

Blog: In case you missed it, here’s my latest blog.

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co . Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co.

The certainty of change

 change

Some people always have their eyes on some future or present vision. Others are moved more by people and their community – wanting to help those people in some way. Still others are practical, having their eye on what works and doesn’t work.  You’d think that those moved by vision would be less fearful of change.

If you thought so, you’d be wrong.  All of us fear change, even if it also excites us.  Change always involves stepping into the unfamiliar, and that can be dangerous.  For sure, there will be mistakes, errors of judgment and unexpected roadblocks. It will be loaded with uncertainty.

But change is inevitable. It’s the definition of life. It’s movement and process, growth and discovery.

From Robert Redford – “One of the things that will always be inevitable is change, full of both vague uncertainty and brilliant promise.”

 

Announcements

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here.  If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

You deserve better. Believe it!

If you believe you deserve better, you will create better in yourself.”

This quote, attributed to Dr. Phil McGraw, might strike you as obvious. Or it might seem simplistic. Or pie-in-the-sky – a new age-ism that some people say to themselves in the mirror when they’re feeling especially bad.

In a way, all of those are true. And yet, even though you think you know and support yourself very well – no doubt you do a lot of the time – one day you discover – as I did – that not believing in yourself still keeps leading to self-sabotage, and even failure.

I think it’s a phrase that’s much easier to understand than to fully incorporate into your life.

The biggest way this gets into my face is when I’m about to advertise.  I admit that the thought of advertising makes me cringe inside. Part of this is my upbringing. Another part is my culture. But there is still a small part of me that feels – no matter what the evidence says to the contrary – that I don’t deserve better. That I don’t deserve to advertise my worth. That it’s somehow vulgar and all by itself makes me unworthy.

I compare myself to the worst kind of sales person I can think of instead of the best kind. Then – of course! – I feel crappy about it.

But I deserve better than this! So do you!

Know your worth – and then ask for it

 

Quote of the Week

“I will not try to convince you to love me, to respect me, to commit to me. I deserve better than that; I AM BETTER THAN THAT …”
― Steve Maraboli

Announcement

Blog: In case you missed it, here’s my latest blog.

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co . Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co.

Pas de deux

Pas de deux

Pas de deux. This dance of life, always between two beings. Making it possible to change and grow.

The charming image of the junior egret learning from its parent … learning, perhaps, how to show off and impress others. How to spread its wings and begin to taste freedom.

We live in a world where growth and life isn’t even possible without this dance. Even if we believe we’ve done it all ourselves, we haven’t. Each one of us have had opportunities provided by others and the world around us.

I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given, and grateful for the chance to provide that for others.

 

Burning the Candle at Both Ends

Opportunities that come our way are only good if we’re ready and open for them.  This means being focused and relaxed – and happy. The opposite of relaxed focus is being anxious or burnt-out.  If you’re experiencing this, you may find my online course Burning the Candle at Both Ends worthwhile.

It’s starting now.  Click here if you’re interested in learning about it.

Enlightenment always tastes of freedom

“Enlightenment” is a term I hear used a lot these days.  It’s often in the context of gaining some kind of spiritual excellence.

I do wonder about this: it comes close to smacking of superiority and so I’m suspicious of it. So, is this something real and something worth moving towards?

I think so.  The Buddha said that you will know enlightenment because it always tastes of freedom, just as you know the ocean because it tastes of salt. This implies that I achieve enlightenment every time I can flow with the process of life, without feeling triggered or reactive in any way.

Sometimes, I do feel that way. And, no doubt, you do too.

One thing for certain, then, is that when I’m anxious, or stressed, or lost in worry, I’m not in a state of enlightenment. I’m in an opposite kind of state: frozen in time, fighting off inner daemons.

I’ve been there too?  What about you?  If you’ve been in a place of anxious stress, were you able to find your way to a better place?  If not, you may find my online course Burning the Candle at Both Ends worthwhile.

It’s starting now.  Click here if you’re interested in learning about it.

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

 

Grit – the key to Future success

Some fortunate people have loving and mature parents, go to great schools, and get initiated into the adult world with the support of amazing mentors.  Some – not all – of those lucky few make a terrific life for themselves and, hopefully, others.

The rest of us aren’t so fortunate. And yet, more of us end up succeeding in spite of the odds against us than anyone would expect.

But predictors of future success provide statistical odds only.  The real predictor is youYourcommitment to your own future, your self-regard, and your ability to see what’s real and possible.

Mostly though, it’s your conviction: your conviction that what you seek is possible for you to achieve, and worth staying with. In the end, it might not turn out the way you imagined, but it will happen.  That kind of stick-with-it-ness is sometimes called resilience, and sometimes called grit.

Angela Duckworth distinguishes resilience from grit (view the video below).  She’s discovered that a key predictor to future success is gritGrit is consistent effort, combined with passion, for a particular goal, that is strong enough to overcome obstacles or challenges that are in the way to the realization of that goal.

In other words, the goal has to be worthy to the person trying to achieve it. And the person trying to achieve it has to feel worthy of achieving that goal

A person with grit is in it for the long-term and knows that to achieve her goal involves a marathon, not a sprint.

So the bottom line is to hang in there, sometimes putting one foot in front of the other, and keep faith in yourself and your abilities.

The Power of Passion and Preservation

My online program begins Oct 8th, but you can still register until October 14th! It’s a program for addressing stress and anxiety with plenty of support …


Click here to register.

 
Quote of the Week

“…there are no shortcuts to excellence. Developing real expertise, figuring out really hard problems, it all takes time―longer than most people imagine….you’ve got to apply those skills and produce goods or services that are valuable to people….Grit is about working on something you care about so much that you’re willing to stay loyal to it…it’s doing what you love, but not just falling in love―staying in love.
― Angela Duckworth

Announcement

Blog: In case you missed it, here’s my latest blog.

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co . Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co.

You deserve better. Believe it!

believe

If you believe you deserve better, you will create better in yourself.”

This quote, attributed to Dr. Phil McGraw, might strike you as obvious. Or it might seem simplistic. Or pie-in-the-sky – a new age-ism that some people say to themselves in the mirror when they’re feeling especially bad.

In a way, all of those are true. And yet, even though you think you know and support yourself very well – no doubt you do a lot of the time – one day you discover – as I did – that not believing in yourself still keeps leading to self-sabotage, and even failure.

I think it’s a phrase that’s much easier to understand than to fully incorporate into your life.

The biggest way this gets into my face is when I’m about to advertise.  I admit that the thought of advertising makes me cringe inside. Part of this is my upbringing. Another part is my culture. But there is still a small part of me that feels – no matter what the evidence says to the contrary – that I don’t deserve better. That I don’t deserve to advertise my worth. That it’s somehow vulgar and all by itself makes me unworthy.

I compare myself to the worst kind of sales person I can think of instead of the best kind. Then – of course! – I feel crappy about it.

But I deserve better than this! So do you!

It’s not your brain that’s letting you down. It’s your spirit!

The following online program is for you if you’re anxious, over-stressed or burning out. Burning the Candle at Both Ends starts Oct 8th – it’s an interactive program, takes 20 minutes a week, does have homework that’s optional, and has great reviews. Register here.

 

Announcements

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters [link to latest newsletter that’s published in website ] for an sample]. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here.  If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

You don’t need more time!

time

When what you’re about to do matters – when it’s important – and you’re worried you’ll screw up, or make the wrong choice, or get the timing wrong, or any countless other possibilities that run through your head just before you hit “start” …

You’ve been careful, considered many options, weighed the plusses and minuses of going ahead.

Then the best time to start is now.

That worry is fear talking. Not logic.

 

It isn’t our brain that lets us down. It’s our spirit. It’s that age-old fear. I’m offering a program that looks at our spiritual blocks, and it’s called Burning the Candle at Both Ends. It’s starting October 8th. Click here to register.

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .