It’s been several months, many weeks and days, of living closely with our loved ones. For some, too closely, which may lead to seemingly baseless arguments, and a powerful desire to be alone.
Some couples have, by being aware of this dynamic, found ways to distance themselves, only coming together at dinner time and weekends. They’ve managed to find an extra space somewhere away from their partner for that purpose – it may only be their car, or the garage.
It serves the purpose. Sometimes, though, even this isn’t enough. If you’re one of these people, a day will come when you find you are highly sensitive and allow your inner dialogue to take over, leading eventually to flare-ups and hurt feelings.
It might help to remember that this kind of thing is normal during unbalanced times, which these certainly are – I hope you can forgive yourself and move on. A teacher I know calls it “emotional shock”. Our world has been turned on its head; most of us – at least in the western world – have never experienced deprivation and personal restrictions the way we do now. I remember my parents and grandparents speaking of the 2 world wars and the great depression. I’m from the mid-west, where the centre of North America turned into a giant desert. My grandsires lived through those times. I heard the stories, and I thought I understood them.
But I didn’t understand them because I’d never experienced them … and there’s no substitute for experience. In truth the deprivation we’re currently experiencing pales in comparison to what they went through. And yet, it helps me understand much more how important it is to meet the challenges it brings us – especially with my closest relationships.
How can I continue to honor the needs of both myself and my loved ones? How can I continue to meet the restrictions placed on me with creativity and optimism? How can I meet this latest challenge and see it as a way of growing and deepening my most important relationships?
Maintaining our relationships means growing them, because otherwise they become stagnant. Open heart, willingness to forgive, and continued hope – these qualities can help us negotiate whatever comes up.
Love is made… and made again. Every time we meet what life hands us, with hope and maturity.
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Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist. To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co