Monthly Archive: July 2020

I believe you

 

I believe you. A simple and clear phrase that is the difference between feeling included and seen, or if not said, excluded, invisible and alone.

I didn’t see you across the street. … I am so sorry that I let you down. … I tried my best. … I don’t know how I messed the dates up again. …

It may be a deliberate lie. More likely, it’s a truth for them, and if they’d known more or better they wouldn’t have to say what they’re saying. They are probably feeling miserable that they let you down, or let themselves down.

But, take their truth in. Accept it for what it is. Believe them.

And build on that.

 

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co 

FOMO – the Fear of Missing Out

 

As a kid, I got into the habit of staying up way past my bedtime as often as I could, because I didn’t want to be asleep when and if something fantastic happened. I had no clue what that something might be, but I was sure it was really big. So, I made myself stay up.

As an adult, I would often go to seminars and events that I really couldn’t afford because of that same fear – that something irreplaceable was going to happen during the event that I would otherwise miss. I just couldn’t take that chance. So, I made myself go.

Then – finally – I reached a point where I just couldn’t afford to go; to spend more money or time taking another course or going to another event … or staying up way past my bedtime. I had to learn to prioritize, and to let go.

FOMO, as it’s known, is a painful thing to have to live with. At the time, it feels exciting. But really, it’s making me unavailable for the real thing, because I’ve spent what I had and I was busy attending something that, it turns out, really didn’t matter.

I wasn’t there for the important moment. I missed it. And that’s painful.

That point I finally reached opened a door for me. It meant I was around for the important moment.

What a relief!

FOMO

Quote of the Week 

FOMO (fear of missing out) is the enemy of valuing your own time.”  – Andrew Yang

Announcements 

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co .

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co.

FOMO – the Fear of Missing Out

 

As a kid, I got into the habit of staying up way past my bedtime as often as I could, because I didn’t want to be asleep when and if something fantastic happened. I had no clue what that something might be, but I was sure it was really big. So, I made myself stay up.

As an adult, I would often go to seminars and events that I really couldn’t afford because of that same fear – that something irreplaceable was going to happen during the event that I would otherwise miss. I just couldn’t take that chance. So, I made myself go.

Then – finally – I reached a point where I just couldn’t afford to go; to spend more money or time taking another course or going to another event … or staying up way past my bedtime. I had to learn to prioritize, and to let go.

FOMO, as it’s known, is a painful thing to have to live with. At the time, it feels exciting. But really, it’s making me unavailable for the real thing, because I’ve spent what I had and I was busy attending something that, it turns out, really didn’t matter.

I wasn’t there for the important moment. I missed it. And that’s painful.

That point I finally reached opened a door for me. It meant I was around for the important moment.

What a relief!

 

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co 

Personal Blocks

 

You’re home, and have been since Covid forced a layoff where you work.  That was 4 months ago. 2 months ago you were offered another job; you turned it down because, you told yourself, it was still too dangerous. At home, you’re going stir-crazy from boredom and no direction, and yet you still almost automatically turned down the job – without really discussing safe ways of making it happen. 2 days ago, it happened again, this time with less excuse, and you knew it was because you were scared and worried – not about getting sick (because you know how to keep yourself safe) but because you don’t know if you have what it takes: it’s been 4 months, after all, and you haven’t kept up.

That’s a block – a personal block. We all have them. We don’t like or want them. They usually make us feel at least less than powerful.

I don’t often experience my own blocks getting in my way anymore – at least, not strongly enough that they stop me in my tracks. I’ve spent years becoming aware of them and working through them. And yet, it still happens – it happened today.

We’ve all heard of writers’ block. Writers’ block can happen because of a personal block – perhaps freezing with the terror that you’ll never write something as good again as you did the last time. Personal blocks can be fear-based, but not always. They are, however, always based on our beliefs. My recent block was about both a belief and a fear – and that stopped me for a while.  I was afraid I wouldn’t measure up to the standards of others, or of myself; and I believed in standards that were actually unrealistic.

It took me a while to bring this into my awareness so that I could do something about it, and once there – in my awareness – I was able to replace that belief with something real and silence my fears of inadequacy.

This is what we all need to do to counter a personal block – bring it into awareness, see what’s really real and what isn’t, and replace the lie that stops us with a truth that moves us.

Personal blocks are coming up more and more, partly because we have less to distract us. And maybe that’s a good thing.

How your personal narrative limits your future

 

Quote of the Week 

My fear of endings too often blocks my hope of beginnings.”
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

Announcements 

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co .

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co.

Personal Blocks

 

You’re home, and have been since Covid forced a layoff where you work.  That was 4 months ago. 2 months ago you were offered another job; you turned it down because, you told yourself, it was still too dangerous. At home, you’re going stir-crazy from boredom and no direction, and yet you still almost automatically turned down the job – without really discussing safe ways of making it happen. 2 days ago, it happened again, this time with less excuse, and you knew it was because you were scared and worried – not about getting sick (because you know how to keep yourself safe) but because you don’t know if you have what it takes: it’s been 4 months, after all, and you haven’t kept up.

That’s a block – a personal block. We all have them. We don’t like or want them. They usually make us feel at least less than powerful.

I don’t often experience my own blocks getting in my way anymore – at least, not strongly enough that they stop me in my tracks. I’ve spent years becoming aware of them and working through them. And yet, it still happens – it happened today.

We’ve all heard of writers’ block. Writers’ block can happen because of a personal block – perhaps freezing with the terror that you’ll never write something as good again as you did the last time. Personal blocks can be fear-based, but not always. They are, however, always based on our beliefs. My recent block was about both a belief and a fear – and that stopped me for a while.  I was afraid I wouldn’t measure up to the standards of others, or of myself; and I believed in standards that were actually unrealistic.

It took me a while to bring this into my awareness so that I could do something about it, and once there – in my awareness – I was able to replace that belief with something real and silence my fears of inadequacy.

This is what we all need to do to counter a personal block – bring it into awareness, see what’s really real and what isn’t, and replace the lie that stops us with a truth that moves us.

Personal blocks are coming up more and more, partly because we have less to distract us. And maybe that’s a good thing.

 

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co 

Ritual

 

Every morning I wake up and go to the living room to meditate. On my way, I get the coffee ready and take some herbs, then wash my hands and face to remind myself that safety in these days of the pandemic is something I must always be aware of. After I meditate, I set my intent for the day, the sit down with my coffee to see what’s happening online. Then, I usually go for a walk before settling in to my day.

I’ve been doing most of this routine for years, and have added the cleaning and a special intent for the past 4 months.  These steps don’t take long, but they make a big difference to the flow of my day, and to how I meet that flow.

This routine has become a ritual. Sometimes I skip part or all of it. If it’s for a good reason that makes it impossible to do my morning ritual, and that only happens periodically, there’s no harm done. If it’s out of laziness, then it negatively impacts my whole day, and by the end of the day, I’m feeling off. Unbalanced.

This morning ritual gets me moving; it adds structure to my day and is something I welcome.  I miss it, both emotionally and spiritually, when I don’t do it. It helps define my day and move me in a good direction.

There are other rituals – rites of passage, blessings, superstitions, that we all do – knowingly or not, every day. All of them add meaning to our lives, even if in tiny ways.

If you’re feeling down, depressed, directionless, or simply unmotivated, try adding your own personal ritual to the morning, every day. And within a few months, see how your day feels different.

 

The healing power of rituals and routines

 

Quote of the Week 

A solid routine fosters a well-worn groove for one’s mental energies and helps stave off the tyranny of moods.”
― Mason Currey

Announcements 

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co .

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co.

Ritual

 

Every morning I wake up and go to the living room to meditate. On my way, I get the coffee ready and take some herbs, then wash my hands and face to remind myself that safety in these days of the pandemic is something I must always be aware of. After I meditate, I set my intent for the day, the sit down with my coffee to see what’s happening online. Then, I usually go for a walk before settling in to my day.

I’ve been doing most of this routine for years, and have added the cleaning and a special intent for the past 4 months.  These steps don’t take long, but they make a big difference to the flow of my day, and to how I meet that flow.

This routine has become a ritual. Sometimes I skip part or all of it. If it’s for a good reason that makes it impossible to do my morning ritual, and that only happens periodically, there’s no harm done. If it’s out of laziness, then it negatively impacts my whole day, and by the end of the day, I’m feeling off. Unbalanced.

This morning ritual gets me moving; it adds structure to my day and is something I welcome.  I miss it, both emotionally and spiritually, when I don’t do it. It helps define my day and move me in a good direction.

There are other rituals – rites of passage, blessings, superstitions, that we all do – knowingly or not, every day. All of them add meaning to our lives, even if in tiny ways.

If you’re feeling down, depressed, directionless, or simply unmotivated, try adding your own personal ritual to the morning, every day. And within a few months, see how your day feels different.

 

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co 

Jaw breaker or licorice

 

Jaw breaker or licorice – I have to decide. I’m frozen on the spot … jaw breaker or licorice. Once I decide, my hard-earned 25 cents will be a thing of the past.

My sister refuses to accompany me to the corner store any longer, because standing there with me in my frozen state is just too unbearable.

That’s my earliest memory of indecision. Happily, it’s no longer a problem. But honestly, it took way too long to let it go.

When it was a problem, the dilemma was always around the possibility of making the wrong decision and regretting what I’d done. The turned down job, the loved one I chose to leave, the city or county I moved away from. For anyone who has experienced this feeling, every decision we make and act on sets us down a path, and by doing so, limits the possibility of experiencing some different, possibly better, path.

We won’t ever know now … we tell ourselves. And right away, feel regret for the decision we did make, robbing us of enjoying it in any way.

But, there’s a more important thing that we do to ourselves whenever we stand in indecision: we reinforce our own self-doubt and deepen the distrust we have in ourselves a little more.  We do this because we stop listening to what we want and start listening instead to what others may want. Mom doesn’t like jaw breakers because they can break my teeth, so even though I really want the jaw breaker, I’m thinking of what my mother wants and how she will be disappointed in me.

This indecision means I’m not listening to myself, that I’m ignoring my own wishes. And the more I do it, the more faint that inner knowing becomes. And the less I am able to trust myself.

A wise man once said that we are free to choose anything at all, as long as we’re willing to accept the results of our choice.  If I could have accepted that my mother might have been disappointed, then I could also be free to really enjoy that jaw breaker.

Be Choosy about Choosing

 

 

Quote of the Week 

“The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision.”

-Moses Maimonides

Announcements 

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co .

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co.

 

Jaw breaker or licorice

 

Jaw breaker or licorice – I have to decide. I’m frozen on the spot … jaw breaker or licorice. Once I decide, my hard-earned 25 cents will be a thing of the past.

My sister refuses to accompany me to the corner store any longer, because standing there with me in my frozen state is just too unbearable.

That’s my earliest memory of indecision. Happily, it’s no longer a problem. But honestly, it took way too long to let it go.

When it was a problem, the dilemma was always around the possibility of making the wrong decision and regretting what I’d done. The turned down job, the loved one I chose to leave, the city or county I moved away from. For anyone who has experienced this feeling, every decision we make and act on sets us down a path, and by doing so, limits the possibility of experiencing some different, possibly better, path.

We won’t ever know now … we tell ourselves. And right away, feel regret for the decision we did make, robbing us of enjoying it in any way.

But, there’s a more important thing that we do to ourselves whenever we stand in indecision: we reinforce our own self-doubt and deepen the distrust we have in ourselves a little more.  We do this because we stop listening to what we want and start listening instead to what others may want. Mom doesn’t like jaw breakers because they can break my teeth, so even though I really want the jaw breaker, I’m thinking of what my mother wants and how she will be disappointed in me.

This indecision means I’m not listening to myself, that I’m ignoring my own wishes. And the more I do it, the more faint that inner knowing becomes. And the less I am able to trust myself.

A wise man once said that we are free to choose anything at all, as long as we’re willing to accept the results of our choice.  If I could have accepted that my mother might have been disappointed, then I could also be free to really enjoy that jaw breaker.

 

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co