Are you enough?

There’s a lot of talk in the news about how Facebook and Instagram passively support teens and younger – especially girls – in developing unhealthy and sometimes dangerous habits that are based on what they see, hear and read on these platforms. Young people seem especially vulnerable because the focus is very much on social acceptance.

Many concerned parents can see it happening: more kids than ever are turning to extreme actions in an effort to attain the unattainable.
They compare, and find themselves wanting.

But it isn’t only teens who do this. The rest of us do it too, to some extent. Well, most of us …

When I find myself comparing anything about me against someone else, it’s because I’m not satisfied with me. I’m too big, too fat, too poor, too unsuccessful. I don’t trust myself in some way; I go into self-doubt and feel insecure. I feel that in some way I am lacking. I’m not enough.

Comparing is something we all do as part of living in relationship. We measure ourselves against everything around us. In this way, it’s natural and necessary. Comparison becomes a problem when we use other people’s standards to measure ourselves against, rather than our own standards.

In fact, each of us are on a path that is uniquely ours, depending solely on our beliefs and values, and our circumstances. Because it’s unique, it doesn’t work to use someone else as a standard. We can use them as a guide if we like who they are, but their circumstances are unique to them, just as ours are to us, and can’t be exactly copied for that reason.

The way through this self-doubt and personal insecurity, for me, was to learn to trust myself. I learned to trust myself by paying attention to my own values and desires, and then acting according to them. When I’m faced with a choice between 2 directions, I have learned to check in with that well of inner knowing to see if what is in front of me is truly something that will support my values or not. This isn’t a mental exercise, but a physical one, because values are felt and held in my body. If a choice supports my values, I feel a sense of calm. I’ve learned through experience to go with that felt sense. I’ve learned to trust myself.

In this way, the answer to “Are you enough?” is always “Yes, you are!”.

Need help quieting the struggle of feeing you are enough, or even worthy of being enough? Reach out here to book a therapy appointment with Maryanne Nicholls.