Being Whole

It took me a long, long time to realize we are not meant to be perfect; we’re meant to be whole. Jane Fonda

When I read this quote I thought of Fonda’s latest role as Grace in Grace and Frankie. I can’t imagine anyone playing that role who wasn’t completely comfortable with themselves. Especially in Season 2. The way she plays a neurotic somewhat self-centred woman is superb – both funny and moving; and a power of example for us.  She doesn’t apologize for who she is, and as a result, comes out as human and someone many of us can relate to.

It’s hard (and largely a waste of time) to say to someone who is suffering from their own limitations to simply be themselves. The first barrier to hearing that and accepting it is that person probably doesn’t like themselves, so how can they even go there!

That means that the work begins with self-acceptance. Robert Holden reminds us that “Self-acceptance is an invitation to stop trying to change yourself into the person you wish to be, long enough to find out who you really are.” To address this in ourselves, he suggests a 10-day program [link to same above – How-Self-Acceptance-Can-Crack-Open-Your-Life], beginning and ending with a self-assessment.  In-between those self-assessments, he provides 10 things you can focus on that will help you accept yourself. Below are three things you can do daily to build up your own self-acceptance on your path to becoming whole.

  • Forgiveness – Self-acceptance begins with kindness to ourselves. So many of us carry inside a task master who cracks the whip whenever we fall down.  That task master can change – from a harsh inner judge to a mentor who you can trust; and this process of change begins with forgiving yourself your faults, opening the way to learning from your mistakes rather than feeling beaten by them.
  • Begin with acceptance. It may be hard at first, but self-acceptance is the road to becoming whole. You may only be able to truly accept yourself for part of every day, but that beginning will gradually fill your day. Then, you will no longer find yourself judging, comparing, or feeling alone in your life. Here’s something I repeat to myself whenever I feel down – it may help:
When I’m judging remember to accept myself
When I’m comparing remember to take pleasure in loving myself
When I feel needy and alone remember to respect myself and have fun.
  • Believe in yourself. Learning to trust ourselves develops naturally from self-acceptance and self-love. When we can trust ourselves, we can also open ourselves up to others and our world.
What to do when people tear you down – Eckhart Tolle

Quote of the Week

This journey has always been about reaching your own other shore, no matter what it is.
-Diana Nyad


At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  As a registered psychotherapist and stress coach, I offer individual one-on-one consultations. For more information, visit my or contact me directly at


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *