Broken? Or broken open?


I got a chance to do something I’ve been working towards for a long time. I was planning on doing this in September, but discover I have only a week to prepare. I work like mad getting everything ready, because I know that the one thing that is required for a chance at succeeding, for me, is preparation.

I get the chance, but fail. I fail because I accepted something that was simply too much for me to handle in so short a time. The issue wasn’t the work. The issue was my reluctance to accept the facts when the facts don’t “fit” with what I want.

This scenario has occurred with me a number of times. I end up feeling like Charlie tricking myself into going for Lucy’s disappearing football once again.

It brings me down. Every time. Until the last time, when I reached a point of losing everything I’d worked for – again (I’ve been in that situation before as well). This time, I did something completely different, and managed to alter my approach to the point of identifying the facts and not ignoring them.

May seem obvious, and intellectually it is. But what it took before I could change the pattern was first, to break, and then to break open.

In 12-step programs, they call this “reaching your bottom”. A necessary step to birthing something new.



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Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at .


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