Archive: burning the candle

You deserve better. Believe it!

If you believe you deserve better, you will create better in yourself.”

This quote, attributed to Dr. Phil McGraw, might strike you as obvious. Or it might seem simplistic. Or pie-in-the-sky – a new age-ism that some people say to themselves in the mirror when they’re feeling especially bad.

In a way, all of those are true. And yet, even though you think you know and support yourself very well – no doubt you do a lot of the time – one day you discover – as I did – that not believing in yourself still keeps leading to self-sabotage, and even failure.

I think it’s a phrase that’s much easier to understand than to fully incorporate into your life.

The biggest way this gets into my face is when I’m about to advertise.  I admit that the thought of advertising makes me cringe inside. Part of this is my upbringing. Another part is my culture. But there is still a small part of me that feels – no matter what the evidence says to the contrary – that I don’t deserve better. That I don’t deserve to advertise my worth. That it’s somehow vulgar and all by itself makes me unworthy.

I compare myself to the worst kind of sales person I can think of instead of the best kind. Then – of course! – I feel crappy about it.

But I deserve better than this! So do you!

Know your worth – and then ask for it

 

Quote of the Week

“I will not try to convince you to love me, to respect me, to commit to me. I deserve better than that; I AM BETTER THAN THAT …”
― Steve Maraboli

Announcement

Blog: In case you missed it, here’s my latest blog.

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co . Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co.

Enlightenment always tastes of freedom

“Enlightenment” is a term I hear used a lot these days.  It’s often in the context of gaining some kind of spiritual excellence.

I do wonder about this: it comes close to smacking of superiority and so I’m suspicious of it. So, is this something real and something worth moving towards?

I think so.  The Buddha said that you will know enlightenment because it always tastes of freedom, just as you know the ocean because it tastes of salt. This implies that I achieve enlightenment every time I can flow with the process of life, without feeling triggered or reactive in any way.

Sometimes, I do feel that way. And, no doubt, you do too.

One thing for certain, then, is that when I’m anxious, or stressed, or lost in worry, I’m not in a state of enlightenment. I’m in an opposite kind of state: frozen in time, fighting off inner daemons.

I’ve been there too?  What about you?  If you’ve been in a place of anxious stress, were you able to find your way to a better place?  If not, you may find my online course Burning the Candle at Both Ends worthwhile.

It’s starting now.  Click here if you’re interested in learning about it.

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

 

You deserve better. Believe it!

believe

If you believe you deserve better, you will create better in yourself.”

This quote, attributed to Dr. Phil McGraw, might strike you as obvious. Or it might seem simplistic. Or pie-in-the-sky – a new age-ism that some people say to themselves in the mirror when they’re feeling especially bad.

In a way, all of those are true. And yet, even though you think you know and support yourself very well – no doubt you do a lot of the time – one day you discover – as I did – that not believing in yourself still keeps leading to self-sabotage, and even failure.

I think it’s a phrase that’s much easier to understand than to fully incorporate into your life.

The biggest way this gets into my face is when I’m about to advertise.  I admit that the thought of advertising makes me cringe inside. Part of this is my upbringing. Another part is my culture. But there is still a small part of me that feels – no matter what the evidence says to the contrary – that I don’t deserve better. That I don’t deserve to advertise my worth. That it’s somehow vulgar and all by itself makes me unworthy.

I compare myself to the worst kind of sales person I can think of instead of the best kind. Then – of course! – I feel crappy about it.

But I deserve better than this! So do you!

It’s not your brain that’s letting you down. It’s your spirit!

The following online program is for you if you’re anxious, over-stressed or burning out. Burning the Candle at Both Ends starts Oct 8th – it’s an interactive program, takes 20 minutes a week, does have homework that’s optional, and has great reviews. Register here.

 

Announcements

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters [link to latest newsletter that’s published in website ] for an sample]. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here.  If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

You don’t need more time!

time

When what you’re about to do matters – when it’s important – and you’re worried you’ll screw up, or make the wrong choice, or get the timing wrong, or any countless other possibilities that run through your head just before you hit “start” …

You’ve been careful, considered many options, weighed the plusses and minuses of going ahead.

Then the best time to start is now.

That worry is fear talking. Not logic.

 

It isn’t our brain that lets us down. It’s our spirit. It’s that age-old fear. I’m offering a program that looks at our spiritual blocks, and it’s called Burning the Candle at Both Ends. It’s starting October 8th. Click here to register.

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

On Fear and Power

 

Uncontrolled fear that becomes habitual is a major source of anxiety.

I’m offering a program that addresses this kind of fear – it’s called Burning the Candle at Both Ends. If you’re interested in learning more, click here. It’s starting October 8th; registration closes October 7th .

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

 

Courage and Vulnerability

When I’m stressed, it’s usually because I’m scared.  It might show up as worry that something I’m doing won’t be accepted, or fear that I won’t get done what I’ve decided I must get done. The bottom line, though, is I’m scared, and it’s this fear that drives me into stress and anxiety.

I tend to shut down when I’m scared, and all this does is increase the probability that I’ll ultimately fail at what I’m trying to do. If it’s a presentation, then this preoccupation means I won’t connect to my audience. I’ll end up falling flat and inspiring no one. If it’s preparing for a presentation, then by the time I feel I’m ready, I’ll be worn out and have no real energy for anyone.

My way of not stressing and getting overwhelmed is this: being vulnerable.  It’s kind of odd, not seeming to relate at all to stress and overwhelm. But it does relate, in this way: When I let myself be vulnerable, I always relax. I let go of the worry and preoccupation. I cry if I need to, talk out my sense of inadequacy to a friend, perhaps. I move that pent-up energy through my body. And most importantly, I stop worrying about what other might think, and let me be whoever I need to be in that moment.

Being vulnerable like this takes courage – of dropping my need to please and be accepted. Of accepting whatever consequences that brings and focusing solely on meeting my own needs. This (for me) will include being very prepared, knowing as much as I can about my audience and my topic. But it won’t include second-guessing my audience. And that means I’ll be available for them instead of closed to them.

With that, I’ve just increased the probability that I’ll ultimately succeed.

“You can’t get courage without walking through vulnerability.” Brené Brown

 

My program Burning the Candle at Both Ends will help you gain the courage you need to be vulnerable.   It’s starting this October. Click here if you’re interested in registering.

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

 

Ouch!

 

A number of years ago, I’d just experienced a disastrous year and was lamenting to a friend about all the things that came crashing down around me. Her response was something like I can imagine my mother saying “Oh Maryanne! Your life isn’t so bad. Just imagine what the life of someone living in the Congo is like compared to yours!”

I get it. I am very grateful for what I have, for where I live, for my friends and opportunities. I would not even compare myself to a woman or man living in worse circumstances than mine.

And that’s the point: I hear a lot of my clients begin what they are about to say regarding the pain they’re in with a self-dismissal: “I know this is silly”, or “I can’t understand why this hurts so much”, or “My problems are so tiny compared to others”. Embarrassed that they are hurt, feeling unworthy of having hurt feelings. My work with them, if they come with this baggage, begins with respecting and owning their right to feel hurt, without comparing themselves to others who might “deserve” it more.

My message to anyone who feels like there’s something wrong with them for hurting is this: it doesn’t matter your circumstances. If you’re hurting, you’re hurting. You have a right to say “ouch”!

No need for comparrisson, or self-denigrationn, or second-guessing.

“When you sit on a pin you say “ouch!”. You don’t say “Thank god I didn’t sit on a nail!” from Elsie, a friend of a friend.

 

Announcements

If you’re a worrier, or someone who dismisses your own pain, take a look at my online program that starts up in October – Burning the Candle at Both Ends.

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here .  If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

 

Your Beauty

I’m talking about real beauty – the kind that shines through you no matter what your hair looks like, no matter how much you ate last night or all week, no matter what you’re wearing. I’m talking about that quality that attracts the people you want to attract – that inner spark. That glow.

You have it. It might be hidden – from you and the rest of us. But it’s there.

It might be hidden behind anxiety and worry. Anxiety, worry, preoccupation … these states of mind can block that shining that is uniquely yours from blazing forth.

It’s time to remove that block. And shine.

 

Stress and burnout definitely blocks your shining. I’m offering a program that focuses on what you can learn and use from experiencing stress and burnout. If you’re interested in learning more, my online workshop on Burning the Candle at Both Ends can help. It’s starting this October. Click here if you’re interested in learning about it.

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

 

How to make hard choices

 

I recently read Seth Godin’s blog on Difficult Decisions.  You know, those times when we need to make a decision about something we don’t want to deal with. Because the situation sucks, or there’s no great answer, or because whatever we decide will make us the “bad guy”.

In those times, all is not lost.  There are a few things you can do to make yourself feel – at least – like you’ve got something on your side.

  • First, admit it’s not the place you want to be, that you’d rather it was a better one. And then let it go. It is what it is.
  • Then, take a look at how you got here. This isn’t about self-criticism, but about critical discernment.  There’s a difference: doing the first is self-abusive and not needed; the second is helpful.
  • Review your options. Write them out so that they’re clear.
  • Then consider each one based on how it affects you energetically: when you think about that choice, does it energize you or deflate you? Then choose the option that gives you the most energy.

One thing I do know: in the end, I want to feel I did the best I could. Because that will feed my soul and give me energy. Anything else will deplete it and use me up.

 

Announcements

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters . It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up for my insider newsletter, click here.  If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

No Bumping, No Learning

No bumping, no learning

This quote, from a Gestalt Therapist whose name I don’t recall, really sums it up. It may seem trite to say so, and yet, after coming through the struggle successfully, it’s clear as day that I couldn’t have grown without it.

I’m offering a program that focuses on what you can learn and use from experiencing stress and even burnout. If you’re interested in learning more, my online workshop on Burning the Candle at Both Ends can help. It’s is starting this October. Click here if you’re interested in learning about it.

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .