I’m with a dear friend who can’t let go of a desire she’s had for years. She’s tried everything imaginable to make it real, and nothing she’s tried has worked. I’m not saying that if she tries one more thing, that thing might do the trick, but I’ve seen this too often before – in me!
When I want something to happen, it used to be that I could not let it go. It could be a work idea, a home idea, a relationship idea, anything that I became passionate about. It would fill my vision, my thoughts, my dreams. I really would try everything I could imagine, then imagine some more, until I’d either get want I wanted, or find a different passion. My friends could not talk me out of my current obsession – because that’s really what it was. It would literally consume me.
But living like this has a huge set of related drawbacks: I would lose sleep and eat whatever kept me going, I wouldn’t go anywhere or do anything not directly related to what I was focused on; I wouldn’t see friends or family; and eventually, I’d get sick. As I grew older, getting sick became more frequent. I had to change this way of living or have a short, probably painful, life.
So, I learned to notice the signs that I was obsessing. I learned tools that could help me ‘normalize’ and bring balance into my day. I learned to make a no exceptions deal with myself over what I ate, how I kept physically fit, and when I slept. And eventually, things changed for the better.
There’s a lot more to it, of course, but one thing that is really great is that I still get what I desire and have a passion for. That never went away.
Now I’m with my friend, who appears to be heading down that same road. If only I could get into her mind and heart and show her what I know. But I know she needs to learn her own way, and all I can do is accept that this is her process, and be there for her when she wants to talk.
Quote of the Week
“Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.”
– Roy T. Bennett
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