Tag Archive: calm

Who we are in hard times

During my days as a project manager, I would periodically get a new person to this field wondering why I was getting paid so much when everything seemed so straight-forward. The answer was that I wasn’t getting paid a lot for the straight-forward part; I was getting paid for those times when everything became chaotic. Project managers are known for their stoic stance in the face of insanity – it’s often the thing that makes the difference between a successful project and an abject failure.

Now I’m a therapist and coach. People see me for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes the reason is that they are experiencing their first hard time and don’t know what to do. They have no skills for such times, and feel their world falling out from under them.

There’s a saying that goes something like: it’s easy to be moral when life is good. The real test happens when life isn’t so good. That’s when the ability of taking the long view, having a steady heart and a cool head is so important. Even more importantly, this is when self-honesty and clear boundaries and values count, because without these, you may be able to look like you’re calm, but inside you will be anything but calm.

We’re defined for who we are when times are hard. It’s the testing ground of life, and our opportunity to grow. As many wise men and women of the past have reminded us, it isn’t what we get handed in life, but how we deal with what we get that matters.

How the worst moments of our lives make us who we are

 

Quote of the Week 

It’s the hard days – the days that challenge you to your very core – that will determine who you are. You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.”
― Sheryl Sandberg

Announcements 

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co .

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co.

Who we are in hard times

During my days as a project manager, I would periodically get a new person to this field wondering why I was getting paid so much when everything seemed so straight-forward. The answer was that I wasn’t getting paid a lot for the straight-forward part; I was getting paid for those times when everything became chaotic. Project managers are known for their stoic stance in the face of insanity – it’s often the thing that makes the difference between a successful project and an abject failure.

Now I’m a therapist and coach. People see me for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes the reason is that they are experiencing their first hard time and don’t know what to do. They have no skills for such times, and feel their world falling out from under them.

There’s a saying that goes something like: it’s easy to be moral when life is good. The real test happens when life isn’t so good. That’s when the ability of taking the long view, having a steady heart and a cool head is so important. Even more importantly, this is when self-honesty and clear boundaries and values count, because without these, you may be able to look like you’re calm, but inside you will be anything but calm.

We’re defined for who we are when times are hard. It’s the testing ground of life, and our opportunity to grow. As many wise men and women of the past have reminded us, it isn’t what we get handed in life, but how we deal with what we get that matters.

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co 

On Anxiety

Stayed up way too late last night…reading a fantasy novel.  That way, didn’t have to think about the things on my “must do” list – way too many things.  Woke only a little late…that’s good.  Having a quiet coffee and letting the day unfold in peace, if only for a short while.  Now what… I can feel my heart begin to race.  HOW AM I EVER GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS?!?!  Two people here in less than an hour, an offsite meeting after that, then pack up my car with stuff for a friend, then research on a new project, then clients …. and I haven’t even got to quality time with loved ones yet!!!!!!

The first thing that has to go is the list…just let it go.  Lists always mean, for me, that I’m too wound up already.  Deep breateh in, ,…..then out.  Ahhhhhhhh.  Priorities.  What is priority today?  My friends, quality time, my clients.  Forget about the rest, for now.

See how it goes.  And to begin, a short quiet walk to remind myself how lucky I am for my health, my loved ones, my opportunities, and this gorgeous day….

Martha Beck – Calm all fear

Quote of the Week
Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength- carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.
― Corrie ten Boom

Announcements
At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co . Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

Karma

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.
-Wayne Dyer

A few nights ago, my partner and I triggered each other, followed by 20 minutes of silence.  Why? Because neither of us wanted to say something we’d regret. So we waited until we got our big person voices back before talking about it.

Yes, that deserves a pat on the back, because it hasn’t always seemed possible to hold back the floodgates when I’m triggered.

Today was a different story – I spent it with a help desk.  From 4:30 in the afternoon till 8:30, I was on the phone with customer service. Three calls: I eventually hung up on the first call after waiting on hold for over an hour.  The second call hung up on me and didn’t call me back. On the third try I got lucky and discovered what the problem was and how to fix it. I amused myself in between calls working out how much this was costing in phone bills. If I ever hear the music that company played over and over while waiting again, I may just go to the competitor.

I don’t know how considerate and calm I was during the process.  Not very near the 2-hour mark.  But by the time I’d hit number three, I had calmed down enough to speak with care and focus on getting the issue solved. I hate to admit it, but that might have contributed to the resolution.

And then I was reminded by Mr. Dyer about karma.

Now I’d love to hear from you about your own experiences, knowledge, opinions.  In the comments below, share one thing that you experienced as a mirror moment that changed your day, or even your life.

This newsletter is in three parts: the first part is my contribution; the second is a video I’ve found that relates to the topic in part 1; the third is a quote. I hope you enjoy the richness this brings to the topic of the week with all three parts.

Alan Watts – On Karma

Quote of the Week
If you’re really a mean person you’re going to come back as a fly and eat poop.
― Kurt Cobain

Announcements
At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us. I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co