Tag Archive: choice

Jaw breaker or licorice

 

Jaw breaker or licorice – I have to decide. I’m frozen on the spot … jaw breaker or licorice. Once I decide, my hard-earned 25 cents will be a thing of the past.

My sister refuses to accompany me to the corner store any longer, because standing there with me in my frozen state is just too unbearable.

That’s my earliest memory of indecision. Happily, it’s no longer a problem. But honestly, it took way too long to let it go.

When it was a problem, the dilemma was always around the possibility of making the wrong decision and regretting what I’d done. The turned down job, the loved one I chose to leave, the city or county I moved away from. For anyone who has experienced this feeling, every decision we make and act on sets us down a path, and by doing so, limits the possibility of experiencing some different, possibly better, path.

We won’t ever know now … we tell ourselves. And right away, feel regret for the decision we did make, robbing us of enjoying it in any way.

But, there’s a more important thing that we do to ourselves whenever we stand in indecision: we reinforce our own self-doubt and deepen the distrust we have in ourselves a little more.  We do this because we stop listening to what we want and start listening instead to what others may want. Mom doesn’t like jaw breakers because they can break my teeth, so even though I really want the jaw breaker, I’m thinking of what my mother wants and how she will be disappointed in me.

This indecision means I’m not listening to myself, that I’m ignoring my own wishes. And the more I do it, the more faint that inner knowing becomes. And the less I am able to trust myself.

A wise man once said that we are free to choose anything at all, as long as we’re willing to accept the results of our choice.  If I could have accepted that my mother might have been disappointed, then I could also be free to really enjoy that jaw breaker.

Be Choosy about Choosing

 

 

Quote of the Week 

“The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision.”

-Moses Maimonides

Announcements 

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co .

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co.

 

Jaw breaker or licorice

 

Jaw breaker or licorice – I have to decide. I’m frozen on the spot … jaw breaker or licorice. Once I decide, my hard-earned 25 cents will be a thing of the past.

My sister refuses to accompany me to the corner store any longer, because standing there with me in my frozen state is just too unbearable.

That’s my earliest memory of indecision. Happily, it’s no longer a problem. But honestly, it took way too long to let it go.

When it was a problem, the dilemma was always around the possibility of making the wrong decision and regretting what I’d done. The turned down job, the loved one I chose to leave, the city or county I moved away from. For anyone who has experienced this feeling, every decision we make and act on sets us down a path, and by doing so, limits the possibility of experiencing some different, possibly better, path.

We won’t ever know now … we tell ourselves. And right away, feel regret for the decision we did make, robbing us of enjoying it in any way.

But, there’s a more important thing that we do to ourselves whenever we stand in indecision: we reinforce our own self-doubt and deepen the distrust we have in ourselves a little more.  We do this because we stop listening to what we want and start listening instead to what others may want. Mom doesn’t like jaw breakers because they can break my teeth, so even though I really want the jaw breaker, I’m thinking of what my mother wants and how she will be disappointed in me.

This indecision means I’m not listening to myself, that I’m ignoring my own wishes. And the more I do it, the more faint that inner knowing becomes. And the less I am able to trust myself.

A wise man once said that we are free to choose anything at all, as long as we’re willing to accept the results of our choice.  If I could have accepted that my mother might have been disappointed, then I could also be free to really enjoy that jaw breaker.

 

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co 

Who you choose

 

How do you choose who to be close to, and why?  People who lift your spirits? People who inspire you? Or people around whom you feel lacking; in whose company you feel alone?

I’ve done both. I’ve been with inspirational people who have challenged me to the max, and who inspired me to grow. I’ve also been with people who I thought would inspire me as a teacher, or who I thought wanted to connect as I did, but instead, I ended up feeling like an outsider. The first increased my energy and enjoyment; the second ultimately depleted it.

Of course, nothing in life is that simple. Those who inspired me the most often began as tyrants. But unlike hurtful tyrants, these, I discovered, had my best interests at heart. My energy with them was never depleted – increased to the level of high heat, perhaps, but not depleted. Do you have people in your life like that?  A teacher, perhaps, who challenges you every time you wander off mentally.

Then there are those you choose as friends. They may have chosen you. Every time you’re with that person, you leave feeling tired, perhaps even soiled, like you’ve been through something that took almost all the extra reserves of energy you had. That could be for a lot of reasons, and whatever the reason is, it leaves you feeling depleted.

It’ hard to tell sometimes – challenger or depleter?  You may decide to stick around for a while to find out. I usually do, and it’s always worth it.

Believe it or not, it reminds me of the garter snake. I played with garter snakes as a young child, and came to know them quite well. They are one of the few species of snakes that are communal, which leads to an interesting fact about them: they can sometimes be poisonous, depending on who they hang out with and what they ingest.

We’re the same: if we hang out with people we feel rotten around, we end up taking that on.

I’d rather take on the qualities of those I love and admire, and who feed my spirit.

The art of choosing

 

Quote of the Week 

Choose people who will lift you up. Find people who will make you better.”
― Michelle Obama

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co 

Who you choose

 

How do you choose who to be close to, and why?  People who lift your spirits? People who inspire you? Or people around whom you feel lacking; in whose company you feel alone?

I’ve done both. I’ve been with inspirational people who have challenged me to the max, and who inspired me to grow. I’ve also been with people who I thought would inspire me as a teacher, or who I thought wanted to connect as I did, but instead, I ended up feeling like an outsider. The first increased my energy and enjoyment; the second ultimately depleted it.

Of course, nothing in life is that simple. Those who inspired me the most often began as tyrants. But unlike hurtful tyrants, these, I discovered, had my best interests at heart. My energy with them was never depleted – increased to the level of high heat, perhaps, but not depleted. Do you have people in your life like that?  A teacher, perhaps, who challenges you every time you wander off mentally.

Then there are those you choose as friends. They may have chosen you. Every time you’re with that person, you leave feeling tired, perhaps even soiled, like you’ve been through something that took almost all the extra reserves of energy you had. That could be for a lot of reasons, and whatever the reason is, it leaves you feeling depleted.

It’ hard to tell sometimes – challenger or depleter?  You may decide to stick around for a while to find out. I usually do, and it’s always worth it.

Believe it or not, it reminds me of the garter snake. I played with garter snakes as a young child, and came to know them quite well. They are one of the few species of snakes that are communal, which leads to an interesting fact about them: they can sometimes be poisonous, depending on who they hang out with and what they ingest.

We’re the same: if we hang out with people we feel rotten around, we end up taking that on.

I’d rather take on the qualities of those I love and admire, and who feed my spirit.

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co 

Karma

Darlene recently made a decision that might upend her life in ways she never wanted. She did want, with all her heart, to be successful in her profession. To that end, she did something scary and invested heavily in a program that promised to help her achieve her dream. The scary part was that it was a big risk for her: she was close to retirement age and this money was earmarked for just that.  She knew that if this didn’t work, she’d be in trouble.

Before she made her move, did Darlene do her homework and base her decisions on what she really knew about herself? Or did she blindly jump in, trusting in others instead of herself? If she blindly jumped in, then she’s just increased her own karma.

Karma is the sum of our actions in this lifetime that will determine our next lifetime. This means if we’re considerate in our actions, that sum is lower; if not, it’s higher.

Even if it ends up being a mistake – what Darlene did – if she chose with care and consideration, whatever happens won’t be as gloomy as it would have been had it been a thoughtless move.  She need not recriminate herself – it was a risk. She loses no self-esteem, and can as a result bounce back much easier.

I’ve noticed in my practice and in my own life, that people can make themselves miserable if they let other people run their lives. For instance, if I react to a comment from a friend that feels hurtful, that “friend” is momentarily running my life – and I’ve just added to my karma. If I make any decision based on what I think others in my life want instead of what I want, I’m building karma.

It’s the source of human suffering – this build-up of karma. The best way I know to begin to reduce that suffering is to empower myself by clearing out judgments and comparisons, and living life on my own terms.

What is Karma? How Do You Break the Karmic Trap – Sadhguru

His Holiness the Karmapa – The Technology of the Heart

Quote of the Week

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”
― Wayne Dyer

Announcement

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co . Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co.

Karma

Darlene recently made a decision that might upend her life in ways she never wanted. She did want, with all her heart, to be successful in her profession. To that end, she did something scary and invested heavily in a program that promised to help her achieve her dream. The scary part was that it was a big risk for her: she was close to retirement age and this money was earmarked for just that.  She knew that if this didn’t work, she’d be in trouble.

Before she made her move, did Darlene do her homework and base her decisions on what she really knew about herself? Or did she blindly jump in, trusting in others instead of herself? If she blindly jumped in, then she’s just increased her own karma.

Karma is the sum of our actions in this lifetime that will determine our next lifetime. This means if we’re considerate in our actions, that sum is lower; if not, it’s higher.

Even if it ends up being a mistake – what Darlene did – if she chose with care and consideration, whatever happens won’t be as gloomy as it would have been had it been a thoughtless move.  She need not recriminate herself – it was a risk. She loses no self-esteem, and can as a result bounce back much easier.

I’ve noticed in my practice and in my own life, that people can make themselves miserable if they let other people run their lives. For instance, if I react to a comment from a friend that feels hurtful, that “friend” is momentarily running my life – and I’ve just added to my karma. If I make any decision based on what I think others in my life want instead of what I want, I’m building karma.

It’s the source of human suffering – this build-up of karma. The best way I know to begin to reduce that suffering is to empower myself by clearing out judgments and comparisons, and living life on my own terms.

Announcements

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up for my insider newsletter, click here.  If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .