When I find myself comparing, I’m never in a good place. Usually, I feel less than, miserable, a looser; and I’m subconsciously looking for external verification to justify my poor self-opinion. Am I too fat? Too thin? Too inexperienced? Too heady? Not worldly enough? Not out-going enough?
When I’m comparing, I’m already miserable, and comparing will ensure that I stay that way. Since it keeps me miserable, is it ever a good thing to compare?
I don’t think so. When I admire another’s accomplishments, I don’t find myself comparing what they’ve done to what I’ve done. Instead, they inspire me and show me what’s possible. I’m hapy for them, and that happiness seeps into me.
Comparing, on the other hand, never feels good.
So with that in mind, here are 3 things you can do to counter comparing:
- Rather than compare, separating you from the other person, seek to connect with that person. Discover who they really are – what you genuinely like about them. When we get to know another person, they become real to us, and the need to compare begins to loose it’s focus and alure.
- Turn to gratitude. I was sitting in my living room one morning lamenting on the opportunities I’d missed. And then for no apparent reason, I asked myself how I’d feel about Maryanne’s list of complaints if I’d just arrived from India as an Untouchable woman. She’s laugh and remind me how lucky I really am. Perspective so oftem helps, and focusing on what I have instead of what I’m missing helps to provide that needed perspective.
- Practicer self-love. In truth, you are enough just as you are, right now. You are worthy of your own love and admiration. Gratitude inspires us to see this truth. Living the life you want depends on it.
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Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist. To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .