Tag Archive: manipulation

Being manipulated

 

It’s never a good feeling when we discover we’ve been manipulated. Deliberately given partial information, appealing to my sense of guilt or inadequacy, feeling pressured to do something I’d rather not do. These and many other ways happen daily – from advertisements, packaging, and politicians – so much so that we know better than to trust what we’re told. That’s smart, and also sad, because it can turn us into cynics.

Whenever it happens its because the manipulator wants us to do something that helps themselves. It might also help us, but that’s a possible side-effect and nothing more. It might be an unethical renovator who uses sub-grade materials, or someone who charges for something they didn’t actually do. It may be relatively harmless or something that is ruinous.

I’ve experienced both: charged for a purse repair that wasn’t done; an investor misrepresenting themselves to rid me of my savings. All cause pain and all cause damage.

Being manipulated happens a lot, and may be increasing, so its important to learn how to address it.

  • The first thing – always – is to pay attention to your own gut response. Do you feel a little uneasy? For me now, that’s enough. For you, you may need more … .
  • Is what you’re being told make you fearful, or angry, or set some basic emotion off? It’s hard to make a good decision when your emotions are up. Manipulators know that, and use it. So, if you notice your feelings are up, take some time off before taking any action.
  • Have you got someone you trust to talk it over with? If not, why not?
  • Finally, try turning it around: what would inspire you to ask the same thing of others? Then apply what you discover to what someone else is asking of you, and see what you discover.

…and what about those manipulative parasites…

 

 

Quote of the Week

The television is ‘real’. It is immediate, it has dimension. It tells you what to think and blasts it in. It must be right. It seems so right. It rushes you on so quickly to its own conclusions your mind hasn’t time to protest, ‘What nonsense!’.”
― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

Announcements

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co .

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up atwww.thejoyofliving.co.

 

Being manipulated

 

It’s never a good feeling when we discover we’ve been manipulated. Deliberately given partial information, appealing to my sense of guilt or inadequacy, feeling pressured to do something I’d rather not do. These and many other ways happen daily – from advertisements, packaging, and politicians – so much so that we know better than to trust what we’re told. That’s smart, and also sad, because it can turn us into cynics.

Whenever it happens its because the manipulator wants us to do something that helps themselves. It might also help us, but that’s a possible side-effect and nothing more. It might be an unethical renovator who uses sub-grade materials, or someone who charges for something they didn’t actually do. It may be relatively harmless or something that is ruinous.

I’ve experienced both: charged for a purse repair that wasn’t done; an investor misrepresenting themselves to rid me of my savings. All cause pain and all cause damage.

Being manipulated happens a lot, and may be increasing, so its important to learn how to address it.

  • The first thing – always – is to pay attention to your own gut response. Do you feel a little uneasy? For me now, that’s enough. For you, you may need more … .
  • Is what you’re being told make you fearful, or angry, or set some basic emotion off? It’s hard to make a good decision when your emotions are up. Manipulators know that, and use it. So, if you notice your feelings are up, take some time off before taking any action.
  • Have you got someone you trust to talk it over with? If not, why not?
  • Finally, try turning it around: what would inspire you to ask the same thing of others? Then apply what you discover to what someone else is asking of you, and see what you discover.

Announcements

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up for my insider newsletter, click here.  If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

 

Releasing the Handcuffs of Attachment

attachments

 

The father who insists his son take over the family business.  The mother who over-mothers. The boss who micro-manages.  If they don’t drive their intended victims crazy, they definitely drive all their onlookers nuts.

But, in case you think that’s somene else, recall the last time you wanted something to work out so badly – and were afraid it wouldn’t – that you found yourself “nudging” people, places and things to get to your desired effect.  If you managed to stop and take a look around you, you might’ve noticed a lot of annoyed onlookers. You know, those guys you just handcuffed to your idea of what the future should look like.

Nobody likes to be manipulated or “lead”, including us.  But worry and desire can turn us into this kind of person.

The antidote to being attached is self-awareness. Plain and simple. Becoming aware of our impact and value in any situation can bring us back to our senses and into balance and harmony with ourselves and our fellows.

I know that, for me, the times I find myself manipulating a situatin for a desired end is when I’m afraid I’ll loose something precious to me. That someone more powerful than me will somehow destroy that possibility.  When I bring this feeling in front of me and examine it, it seems pretty foolish. After all, as an adult, the only way someone else could really do that was if I had no other alternatives.  But that isn’t likely. It’s really only my fear, my insecurity and lack of awareness that lets me think so.

If you like this blog, you’ll love my newsletters “You are Enough Just as You Are” for a sample. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up for my insider newsletter, click here.  If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .