Tag Archive: persistence

I don’t matter as much as … ?

 

Most of us have unconscious go-to’s that ultimately hurt us. We have them because they helped us cope in difficult situations when we were much younger. Even if, as adults, we know they’re untrue and unhelpful, we can end up finding ourselves going down that road countless times.

My unconscious go-to is “I don’t matter as much as …”. As you, or my neighbor, or someone I know nothing about.  I don’t always find myself going there, but when I’m unsure of what I’m doing, or don’t know my surroundings, it’s pretty easy for me to begin to go down that familiar path.

I know I matter as much as everyone else. I know intellectually that I matter more than others to those who care about me.  And yet I can hear that familiar lament inside, and feel it in my body at times, and it never takes me to a place I want to be.

The way I tackle it is through persistence:

  • Recognizing the feeling, then stopping it immediately. I know it’s false, that it comes from a place of feeling wounded and uncertain, and that allowing that particular tape to play isn’t useful.
  • Replacing it with something that’s true. There are many things to choose from such as; “I do, in fact, matter”, “ I matter as much as any other living being. I’m a part of the universe.”, “I matter!”. If I’m with someone who truly feels that I don’t matter as much, it may be that it’s time to be with someone else.

The old story has been played many times. It only stands to reason that the new one will take a while to replace it.

You matter

Quote of the Week 

Every woman that finally figured out her worth, has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom, which landed in the valley of change.”
― Shannon L. Alder

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters for an sample. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here.  If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

 

I don’t matter as much as … ?

 

Most of us have unconscious go-to’s that ultimately hurt us. We have them because they helped us cope in difficult situations when we were much younger. Even if, as adults, we know they’re untrue and unhelpful, we can end up finding ourselves going down that road countless times.

My unconscious go-to is “I don’t matter as much as …”. As you, or my neighbor, or someone I know nothing about.  I don’t always find myself going there, but when I’m unsure of what I’m doing, or don’t know my surroundings, it’s pretty easy for me to begin to go down that familiar path.

I know I matter as much as everyone else. I know intellectually that I matter more than others to those who care about me.  And yet I can hear that familiar lament inside, and feel it in my body at times, and it never takes me to a place I want to be.

The way I tackle it is through persistence:

  • Recognizing the feeling, then stopping it immediately. I know it’s false, that it comes from a place of feeling wounded and uncertain, and that allowing that particular tape to play isn’t useful.
  • Replacing it with something that’s true. There are many things to choose from such as; “I do, in fact, matter”, “ I matter as much as any other living being. I’m a part of the universe.”, “I matter!”. If I’m with someone who truly feels that I don’t matter as much, it may be that it’s time to be with someone else.

The old story has been played many times. It only stands to reason that the new one will take a while to replace it.

 

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters for an sample. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here.  If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

 

Success: Persistence, Patience and the ability to withstand rejection

For anyone who has a dream – their own business, independence and financial freedom, becoming a successful artist – or healer – or dancer – or computer programmer – or accountant.  Whatever your dream, whatever you go after with passion, is the thing that you uniquely create.  It’s your baby, and it’s something that’s not only valuable and worthwhile to you, but to the rest of us as well. Each one of us has a special gift.

And yet, as any creator will know after a short while, once you offer it to the world and test it out in the real world, no matter how valuable it is, your beautiful creation won’t be automatically seen for what it truly is.  It won’t be appreciated and embraced. It might not even be noticed for a long time.  The biggest effort any creator will ever have to make is in how to successfully connect with others so that they see what you see, and value it as you do.

Yes, a tiny percentage of us are lucky. The vast majority of us, though, must persist.
Dani Shapiro discussed this in a recent interview. She emphasized that our special gift (she was referring to writing, but it can be for any gift) is useless if you don’t have the muscles of persistence, patience, and the ability to withstand the indignities and rejection inherent in the life of any creator. Gifts are nothing without endurability.

With every seeming or real rejection, you need to silence that little voice that says you’re deluding yourself, that you really aren’t any good. As long as you’ve done your homework and developed your skills, take comfort in the fact that the rest is simply a part of the process of creating. So, get on with it. There may be a hidden gem in what you get back that you can use; otherwise, accept that not everyone will like or understand what you are offering, and move on.

There are at least 3 things you can do to persist through rejection:

  • Compartmentalize: do the necessary everyday things that need your full attention, then start over and be available again, fully, for what’s important. If you’re into ritual, as I am, then get that coffee and space ready before beginning so that you set yourself up for success.
  • Connect: with those who can help you, or mentor you. Fellow travellers who understand what you’re feeling and know as well as you do that you have something worthwhile to offer.
  • Congratulate: Celebrate your daily success, no matter how big or small. I take a few minutes every day to write my “wins” for the day.  Every win teaches me to refocus on delight.

The quote below is from a man who knew rejection and persisted, sometimes for years.  His message to the rest of us is that we aren’t alone, and that it’s worth it.

Now I’d love to hear from you about your own experiences, knowledge, opinions.  In the comments below, share one thing that you experienced as a mirror moment that changed your day, or even your life.

This newsletter is in three parts: the first part is my contribution; the second is a video I’ve found that relates to the topic in part 1; the third is a quote. I hope you enjoy the richness this brings to the topic of the week with all three parts.

Helen Clarke – The Power of Persistence

 Quote of the Week
Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. 
― Winston S. Churchill

Announcements
At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us. I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co