Tag Archive: planning

Plan for the worst, expect the best

I often come up with ideas to write about in batches. Those ideas sustain my ability to write a blog a week for sometimes several months.  The idea for this blog came to me after an especially difficult set of events where I was completing a series of tests, each of which carried a long list of requirements. It was really challenging, especially that last one; and it was the above mantra that saw me through: Plan for the worst, expect the best.

That mantra helped me because when things get especially difficult, I often find myself thinking the opposite: Plan for the best, expect the worst. I would buoy myself up by fantasies that everything was fine and then, just as often, things wouldn’t go well, ending my day with the thought “How did this happen again!”. I actually expected the worst, even though I’d planned for the best.

That kind of thinking is called a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The saying in therapy is, for something to change, do something – anything – different.  I began to put my imagination to better use than staying in fantasy: I began to imagine what winning would look like; and that led me to the realization that in order to win, I had to be prepared for anything.

Now I expect to win, which means I come prepared for anything.

The surprising science of happiness

Announcements

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters for a sample. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up for my insider newsletter, click here .  If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

 

Plan for the worst, expect the best

I often come up with ideas to write about in batches. Those ideas sustain my ability to write a blog a week for sometimes several months.  The idea for this blog came to me after an especially difficult set of events where I was completing a series of tests, each of which carried a long list of requirements. It was really challenging, especially that last one; and it was the above mantra that saw me through: Plan for the worst, expect the best.

That mantra helped me because when things get especially difficult, I often find myself thinking the opposite: Plan for the best, expect the worst. I would buoy myself up by fantasies that everything was fine and then, just as often, things wouldn’t go well, ending my day with the thought “How did this happen again!”. I actually expected the worst, even though I’d planned for the best.

That kind of thinking is called a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The saying in therapy is, for something to change, do something – anything – different.  I began to put my imagination to better use than staying in fantasy: I began to imagine what winning would look like; and that led me to the realization that in order to win, I had to be prepared for anything.

Now I expect to win, which means I come prepared for anything.

 

Announcements

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters for a sample. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up for my insider newsletter, click here .  If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

 

I’m disappointed in you … or maybe not

 

There was a misunderstanding. Over a word. I assumed it meant one thing; she assumed it meant another.  It wasn’t until the work we were doing together was much further along that we discovered this misunderstanding. Before she “got” the real issue, she said to me “I’m disappointed in you”, because she thought I hadn’t heard her, or hadn’t followed through somehow.

When I find myself saying this to another person, it almost always ends up being me I’m disappointed with. I ran through an explanation that needed more time than I gave it for a clear understanding; or I allowed my ideas and desires to take me out of reality, only to be brought up short when reality actualized.

Then, instead of feeling the pain of what my actions or approach caused, I turn to the other, externalizing my self-disappointment. Disowning it.

It doesn’t really work: I don’t feel better – even temporarily. In fact I feel worse, because if it’s someone else’s issue, I can’t do anything about it. I feel powerless.

The best thing to do when you feel that sense of disappointment in someone else? Use it as a helpful beacon and turn it on yourself, discovering what you were assuming, or missed. So that next time, disappointment isn’t there.

What I learned from 100 days of rejection

Quote of the Week 

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
― H. Jackson Brown Jr., P.S. I Love You

Announcements 

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co .

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up atwww.thejoyofliving.co.

I’m disappointed in you … or maybe not

 

There was a misunderstanding. Over a word. I assumed it meant one thing; she assumed it meant another.  It wasn’t until the work we were doing together was much further along that we discovered this misunderstanding. Before she “got” the real issue, she said to me “I’m disappointed in you”, because she thought I hadn’t heard her, or hadn’t followed through somehow.

When I find myself saying this to another person, it almost always ends up being me I’m disappointed with. I ran through an explanation that needed more time than I gave it for a clear understanding; or I allowed my ideas and desires to take me out of reality, only to be brought up short when reality actualized.

Then, instead of feeling the pain of what my actions or approach caused, I turn to the other, externalizing my self-disappointment. Disowning it.

It doesn’t really work: I don’t feel better – even temporarily. In fact I feel worse, because if it’s someone else’s issue, I can’t do anything about it. I feel powerless.

The best thing to do when you feel that sense of disappointment in someone else? Use it as a helpful beacon and turn it on yourself, discovering what you were assuming, or missed. So that next time, disappointment isn’t there.

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters for an sample. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here.  If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

Waking up

 

I want my business to be really successful. I want the relationship I have with my partner to be fulfilling and loving. I want my family and friends to be happy and feel fulfilled in their lives. I want good health for myself and my friends and family.

I want so much. I want it all! Don’t you?

My mother’s favorite command to me growing up was “Maryanne, come down to earth!” Until many years later, I honestly didn’t see the problem with never “coming down to earth”. It felt so good – dreaming, planning, seeing all the possibilities.

Until many years later, I didn’t really see that none of those dreams and plans and visions I held so dearly had a hope of becoming real unless … . Unless I woke up to reality – to the actual situation I happened to be in, to my own life circumstances, to my responsibilities. Until I seriously considered  all the variables – my hopes and desires – Yes! – and also my own limitations and the limitations of the situation.

When I finally woke up, I began to modify my plans to include what was doable for me at that time. I stopped jamming in as much as I thought I could do, instead focusing on one small chunk at a time, and developing from that more realistic timelines and goals.

When I finally woke up, I started to relax, to regain my health, and to enjoy the world around me.

What about you? Are you a dreamer like me?

Embracing our limitations

Quote of the Week

Beyond living and dreaming there is something more important: waking up.”
― Antonio Machado

Announcements 

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co .

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up atwww.thejoyofliving.co.

Waking up

 

I want my business to be really successful. I want the relationship I have with my partner to be fulfilling and loving. I want my family and friends to be happy and feel fulfilled in their lives. I want good health for myself and my friends and family.

I want so much. I want it all! Don’t you?

My mother’s favorite command to me growing up was “Maryanne, come down to earth!” Until many years later, I honestly didn’t see the problem with never “coming down to earth”. It felt so good – dreaming, planning, seeing all the possibilities.

Until many years later, I didn’t really see that none of those dreams and plans and visions I held so dearly had a hope of becoming real unless … . Unless I woke up to reality – to the actual situation I happened to be in, to my own life circumstances, to my responsibilities. Until I seriously considered  all the variables – my hopes and desires – Yes! – and also my own limitations and the limitations of the situation.

When I finally woke up, I began to modify my plans to include what was doable for me at that time. I stopped jamming in as much as I thought I could do, instead focusing on one small chunk at a time, and developing from that more realistic timelines and goals.

When I finally woke up, I started to relax, to regain my health, and to enjoy the world around me.

What about you? Are you a dreamer like me?

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters for an sample. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here.  If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .