I was blasted with judgment this week – other people’s judgments of me. They don’t really know me. Their judgments were based on their own fears and prejudices, projected onto me.
It’s bound to happen to any of us who become visible, who have a differing opinion, who have chosen to go a different route than the one chosen by the one judging.
At times, the judgment is valid. Often – even if it is valid – it’s colored by the judge’s personal lenses, coming out distorted. Like a mirror in the House of Mirrors.
No matter what’s happening inside the judge, what’s important is how you work with this bullet that’s come your way.
First, get to a calm place. Try not to be so offended or hurt that you aren’t able to do anything. Yes, you probably will be hurt, so let it flow through you as fast as possible, so that you can have an opportunity to look at the judgment with impartial eyes. This might mean going for a walk in Nature, or smudging to clear yourself. Breathing deeply for a few minutes; reminding yourself that you and they are human and fallible.
Then, once you’re in a better heart-space and calm, see if there is anything to it – in other words, ignore the distortions and look for the gem. Whatever is there for you to learn and grow by is a gem. People who we have difficulties with often feed us such gems – but if we’re defensive, we can miss them.
Finally, verify what you know to be true about you, no matter the judgment. Most of us try to be the best we can be. All of us have qualities that are worth having and sharing. These are the qualities that are worth focusing on, and nurturing.
Doing these 3 things – get calm, find the gem and learn, verify your own truth – are the foundation of having a strong sense of self worth.
There will never be a time when everyone agrees with you and likes you. None of that matters very much, as long as you like yourself.
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Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist. To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .