Tag Archive: self-worth

Self Worth

 

I was blasted with judgment this week – other people’s judgments of me. They don’t really know me. Their judgments were based on their own fears and prejudices, projected onto me.

It’s bound to happen to any of us who become visible, who have a differing opinion, who have chosen to go a different route than the one chosen by the one judging.

At times, the judgment is valid. Often – even if it is valid – it’s colored by the judge’s personal lenses, coming out distorted. Like a mirror in the House of Mirrors.

No matter what’s happening inside the judge, what’s important is how you work with this bullet that’s come your way.

First, get to a calm place. Try not to be so offended or hurt that you aren’t able to do anything. Yes, you probably will be hurt, so let it flow through you as fast as possible, so that you can have an opportunity to look at the judgment with impartial eyes. This might mean going for a walk in Nature, or smudging to clear yourself. Breathing deeply for a few minutes; reminding yourself that you and they are human and fallible.

Then, once you’re in a better heart-space and calm, see if there is anything to it – in other words, ignore the distortions and look for the gem.  Whatever is there for you to learn and grow by is a gem.  People who we have difficulties with often feed us such gems – but if we’re defensive, we can miss them.

Finally, verify what you know to be true about you, no matter the judgment.  Most of us try to be the best we can be. All of us have qualities that are worth having and sharing.  These are the qualities that are worth focusing on, and nurturing.

 

Doing these 3 things – get calm, find the gem and learn, verify your own truth – are the foundation of having a strong sense of self worth.

There will never be a time when everyone agrees with you and likes you.  None of that matters very much, as long as you like yourself.

 

Announcements

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters . It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

 

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

 

 

A False Sense of In-Security

 

A few weeks ago I listened to a friend, passionate about safe bike riding, speaking about how bikers seems to have a false sense of security – they feel safe when they aren’t, and lull themselves into complacency when they need to be alert.

I began to muse on how our society as a whole seems to have, in other arenas, exactly the opposite – a false sense of insecurity:  from our politicians and political policies down to the belief that anyone with children must have a metal-clad SUV to drive their kids around in.

How often have I witnessed lately – and even participated in – people opting for solutions based on protection and nothing else? How often have I witnessed overly aggressive reactions to anyone disagreeing to such a stance? Before I became a therapist and life coach, I was often involved in leading teams to protect companies from potential disaster. I’m used to thinking about protection – probably more so than most others. And this may be why I can recognize this trend today.

As a former disaster recovery expert, I’ve learned that the best solutions to protecting ourselves from possible disasters are always the simplest ones: building in redundancy; ensuring that whatever backup solutions you have are seamless and easy to implement by anyone.

Ironically, experts tell us that we in the Western world live in a time of unparalleled safety. And yet we feel insecure. It may be that we are unused to feeling safe and suspect it. Or it may be that our expectations are unrealistic.

Whatever the reason, this false sense of insecurity is epidemic, and it generates mistrust. Even aggression.

What can you do about it?

  • First become aware of what it looks like, and how it makes you feel. That, in itself, will help you begin to change your approach.
  • Develop a healthy scepticism to anything that generates this false sense of insecurity, by learning to question it and determining its legitimacy.
  • Once you have a clearer picture of what’s happening, you will also have a clearer picture of your options.

Just because we live in a culture of insecurity doesn’t mean we have to participate in it. Feeling insecure is disempowering. You don’t have to live that way.

What fear can teach us

Quote of the Week

One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.” ― J. A. Konrath

 

Announcements 

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co .

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up atwww.thejoyofliving.co.

 

A False Sense of In-Security

 

A few weeks ago I listened to a friend, passionate about safe bike riding, speaking about how bikers seems to have a false sense of security – they feel safe when they aren’t, and lull themselves into complacency when they need to be alert.

I began to muse on how our society as a whole seems to have, in other arenas, exactly the opposite – a false sense of insecurity:  from our politicians and political policies down to the belief that anyone with children must have a metal-clad SUV to drive their kids around in.

How often have I witnessed lately – and even participated in – people opting for solutions based on protection and nothing else? How often have I witnessed overly aggressive reactions to anyone disagreeing to such a stance? Before I became a therapist and life coach, I was often involved in leading teams to protect companies from potential disaster. I’m used to thinking about protection – probably more so than most others. And this may be why I can recognize this trend today.

As a former disaster recovery expert, I’ve learned that the best solutions to protecting ourselves from possible disasters are always the simplest ones: building in redundancy; ensuring that whatever backup solutions you have are seamless and easy to implement by anyone.

Ironically, experts tell us that we in the Western world live in a time of unparalleled safety. And yet we feel insecure. It may be that we are unused to feeling safe and suspect it. Or it may be that our expectations are unrealistic.

Whatever the reason, this false sense of insecurity is epidemic, and it generates mistrust. Even aggression.

What can you do about it?

  • First become aware of what it looks like, and how it makes you feel. That, in itself, will help you begin to change your approach.
  • Develop a healthy scepticism to anything that generates this false sense of insecurity, by learning to question it and determining its legitimacy.
  • Once you have a clearer picture of what’s happening, you will also have a clearer picture of your options.

Just because we live in a culture of insecurity doesn’t mean we have to participate in it. Feeling insecure is disempowering. You don’t have to live that way.

 

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here .  If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .