Tag Archive: success

Every thought

I get a lot of pleasure out of planning. When I’m planning, I can even visualize what I imagine will happen at a given point. In this way, I can see how everything fits and what the end product will look like.

But, thinking something and doing it isn’t the same thing. What I visualize doesn’t often turn out the way I visualized.

That’s what I usually do when I’m thinking of something I want to happen.  There are also things I anticipate out of fear. Most of the time, I focus on the worst case, to the point that it’s as if it’s a done deal.  This also defines how I function.

Again, what might happen isn’t the same as what actually happens.  Just like my plans, the reality is most times quite different from what I’d imagined.

The way that anticipation and visualization impacts what actually happens is in how we approach the future.  It shapes what we do.

If I think that deep down, I’m worthless or powerless, and that whatever I’m trying to accomplish will end in disaster, then what I do will reflect that: I might not put a lot of effort into what I’m doing. Why put effort into something that’s probably going to fail?

On the other hand, if I believe that I matter, and what I do matters, then I’m a lot more likely to succeed in what I set out to do.

Every thought leads to an action. Let that action take you to the kind of place you want to live in.

Ekhart Tolle – Where do our thoughts come from?

Quote of the Week

“Every word you speak and every thought you think is an affirmation for your future.“ 
– Cheryl Richardson

Announcement

Blog: In case you missed it, here’s my latest blog.

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co . Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co.

Success: Persistence, Patience and the ability to withstand rejection

For anyone who has a dream – their own business, independence and financial freedom, becoming a successful artist – or healer – or dancer – or computer programmer – or accountant.  Whatever your dream, whatever you go after with passion, is the thing that you uniquely create.  It’s your baby, and it’s something that’s not only valuable and worthwhile to you, but to the rest of us as well. Each one of us has a special gift.

And yet, as any creator will know after a short while, once you offer it to the world and test it out in the real world, no matter how valuable it is, your beautiful creation won’t be automatically seen for what it truly is.  It won’t be appreciated and embraced. It might not even be noticed for a long time.  The biggest effort any creator will ever have to make is in how to successfully connect with others so that they see what you see, and value it as you do.

Yes, a tiny percentage of us are lucky. The vast majority of us, though, must persist.
Dani Shapiro discussed this in a recent interview. She emphasized that our special gift (she was referring to writing, but it can be for any gift) is useless if you don’t have the muscles of persistence, patience, and the ability to withstand the indignities and rejection inherent in the life of any creator. Gifts are nothing without endurability.

With every seeming or real rejection, you need to silence that little voice that says you’re deluding yourself, that you really aren’t any good. As long as you’ve done your homework and developed your skills, take comfort in the fact that the rest is simply a part of the process of creating. So, get on with it. There may be a hidden gem in what you get back that you can use; otherwise, accept that not everyone will like or understand what you are offering, and move on.

There are at least 3 things you can do to persist through rejection:

  • Compartmentalize: do the necessary everyday things that need your full attention, then start over and be available again, fully, for what’s important. If you’re into ritual, as I am, then get that coffee and space ready before beginning so that you set yourself up for success.
  • Connect: with those who can help you, or mentor you. Fellow travellers who understand what you’re feeling and know as well as you do that you have something worthwhile to offer.
  • Congratulate: Celebrate your daily success, no matter how big or small. I take a few minutes every day to write my “wins” for the day.  Every win teaches me to refocus on delight.

The quote below is from a man who knew rejection and persisted, sometimes for years.  His message to the rest of us is that we aren’t alone, and that it’s worth it.

Now I’d love to hear from you about your own experiences, knowledge, opinions.  In the comments below, share one thing that you experienced as a mirror moment that changed your day, or even your life.

This newsletter is in three parts: the first part is my contribution; the second is a video I’ve found that relates to the topic in part 1; the third is a quote. I hope you enjoy the richness this brings to the topic of the week with all three parts.

Helen Clarke – The Power of Persistence

 Quote of the Week
Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. 
― Winston S. Churchill

Announcements
At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us. I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co

3 Secrets of Success

In North America, both in the US and in Canada (and – really – the world over), earning a good living, having a house, paying for your kid’s education, saving for retirement – all the things we all thought we’d be doing when we grew up – is no longer all that attainable for over 90% of us.  It may seem like it when you look at the number of house purchases. But if you dig even a tiny bit deeper, the real cost of getting that house shows up. In Toronto, we call it being “house poor”, because every cent you make goes into paying down the mortgage. For years. In fact, mortgages are routinely generated over 25 or 30 years, because otherwise it would be impossible to hold one.  This, along with student loans and other debts, generate huge debt loads that tie us down to whatever jobs we can get. Until we’re old.

I’ve talked about this before in The Wisdom of Insecurity. It’s one of the drivers for the tiny home movement: finding ways to shed that debt load and attain the freedom to do what you truly want to do. You might dream of winning the lottery, or making it big in business, spending thousands on the few coaches who have made it big in the hope that it’ll happen for you, too.  Sadly, I suspect that mostly isn’t true.

So, what is the answer? Making it big? Or not?  Either way, the reason for wanting to try is because you – like me – probably want to live a happy and fulfilling life.

If you could have that life, with or without a lot of money – wouldn’t that feel like success?  It would for me. The older I get, the more I value my health and the health and well-being of my loved ones. The more I value living in a community of happy and contented people.  Money, as long as my basic needs are taken care of, matters less and less to me.

What is success?  According to the online dictionary, it’s the accomplishment of one’s goals.  That is a kind of success. But life success – feeling successful and happy life, is more than that: it’s accomplishing the goals that mean a lot to us.  Richard St. John in his Ted Talk (below) lists 8 secrets that he gleaned from successful people.

I believe these 8 things can be narrowed down to 3:

  1. Passion: Passion for whatever it is you’re doing means that you’ll happily do whatever it takes to get it done. Passion will get you through the mistakes, inevitable failed attempts, criticisms, and dark nights. Working at something that you’re not passionate about is work. Doing something you love is fun – not work. It may be that you’re not sure if you’re passionate enough in what you want to do right now.  That’s OK – do it until something else takes over. There is no ultimate answer to what you should pursue – only that you love doing it.
  2. Focus: You may think this is a no-brainer, but believe me, doing what you love can be terrifying. All the nay-sayers, the bills, the lost security can make it really hard to focus on what’s truly important.  When I feel stuck, it’s always because I’m sitting in fear, where there are a lot of inner voices telling me that I’m not good enough, that I’m going to fail, that this is a stupid idea.  Then I distract myself with anything else so that I don’t have to feel that terror, ultimately wasting my time on what doesn’t matter.  If this happens to you, having a friend to talk to can help. And if that isn’t an option, try this: take your worst fear – say it’s “No matter what I do, I’m going to fail” – and turn it around to something that gives your heart a lift – like “No matter what I do, I’m going to win” (because in the long run, that’s what’s going to happen).  Use this turn-around whenever you begin to feel that fear, as a way to regain your focus.
  3. Love: This may seem corny, but honestly, if your feeling of love and good will towards yourself and others doesn’t increase with what you’re doing, then it probably won’t be sustainable.  Because without this kind of love, how can there be happiness.

Having said all that, if you want the added bonus of financial success, go for it! But first, go after your heart’s desire, because without that, money isn’t going to do it.
Now I’d love to hear from you about your own experiences, knowledge, opinions.  In the comments below, share one thing that you experienced as a mirror moment that changed your day, or even your life.

This newsletter is in three parts: the first part is my contribution; the second is a video I’ve found that relates to the topic in part 1; the third is a quote. I hope you enjoy the richness this brings to the topic of the week with all three parts.

Richard St. John – 8 Secrets of Success success

Quote of the Week

Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.

– Maya Angelou

 

Announcements

At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co

The 6 things you need to develop to live a successful life

A number of weeks ago, I heard an interview with Brendon Bouchard. He was introducing his latest book High Performance Habits. The book is a summary of a 3-year research project looking at why and how high-performance people do what they do.  He defined High Performance as Sustained, long-term success.

He discovered some key things that all of the people he interviewed had in common.  These people were all highly successful, not only in their business but also in their personal lives.  Much of what Bouchard discovered has been said by others, probably forever, but in his gathering it all together, he’s created something powerful.

He identified 6 habits that were true for every high performer he interviewed. I’ve put them in my own words and as I understand them. Here they are:

  1. Show Up. That’s right. Show up – daily, weekly, monthly.  Do what needs doing, and don’t skip it! Turn this way of operating on a daily basis into a habit that you learn never to drop.
  2. Balance your life. Balance is about living well emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually and sexually.  This is something I learned in Shamanism, and now it’s coming into modern use.  Without this kind of balance, we lose energy, and simply aren’t able to show up all the time, when we need to.
  3. Clarity. High performers define the feeling they’re after, like “overall contentment” on a daily basis: not having a feeling of contentment for a split second, but how, in general, they want to feel regularly.  How do you get there? If you know how you want to be and feel, you can begin to define the kinds of activities that will get you to that state. For instance, I want to feel light-hearted and full of hope; and know that the kinds of things that will get me there are focusing on what’s truly important and always including time with those I love.
  4. Positive self-talk. Bring that inner elder to the surface so that she can guide you openly and powerfully.  For instance, every day, I decide what I need to do, then I have a talk with myself. Like: Maryanne, you really need to focus on getting this document out, so make some relevant self-contracts – this is completely doable and once you’re finished, you know you’ll feel fantastic.
  5. Manage transitions. Take time when you’re switching from one set of tasks to another to reset your intentions. Take a break, let go of the current focus, and set the next intention.  For instance, once I finish my newsletter, my next task is usually to see a client.  Before I can see that client, so that I am 100% present with her, I take 10minutes.  Often, I’ll cup my eyes with my hands and simply sit there, breathing and relaxing. It really works.
  6. Stop striving and start thriving. Full engagement, joy, confidence – those are the three things high performers feel as they work.  They don’t feel stressed, striving for something they don’t yet have.  They’re happy and engaged.  They’re thriving, right now, in the present moment.

I encourage you to get a copy of his book, and see how you can apply what he’s found in a way that works for you.

Now I’d love to hear from you about your own experiences, knowledge, opinions.  In the comments below, share one thing that you experienced as a mirror moment that changed your day, or even your life.

This newsletter is in three parts: the first part is my contribution; the second is a video I’ve found that relates to the topic in part 1; the third is a quote. I hope you enjoy the richness this brings to the topic of the week with all three parts.

Secrets to success – Richard St. John

successful life

Quote of the Week
Find a purpose to serve, not a lifestyle to live.
― Criss Jami, Venus in Arms

Announcements
At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us. I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co