I take on a project with a particular end in mind, aware that not everyone on my team may agree with this end. Then the inevitable happens: a member strongly disagrees. At that point, I can either work with that member to see what we can come to that changes the original idea but that satisfies us both, or I can fight with the member and continue to insist on my vision, possibly even attributing negative motives to that member in order to bolster my own stance.

Or a more every-day example: I believe strongly in the value of open windows in winter; my partner believes strongly in shut windows. The more I argue for open, the more he insists on closed. It may not take me long to start judging his motives, weaving a dark story into why he insists on closed. Or, on another occasion, I might become curious instead on what is going on both for him and for me, slowing down the process and coming to some kind of peaceful compromise.

With each of these examples, the first creates drama; the second creates peace. The first keeps my brain entertained in endless possible scenarios; in the second, the focus is on getting to the truth. The first keeps me in my own world and out of contact; the second keeps me connected and present.

Creating drama might be entertaining, but is never as satisfying as the real thing.

How changing your story can change your life

Quote of the Week

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train.”
– Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest


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