A friend who is close to my heart is a planner: he plans everything well ahead of time because it gives him a sense of being ready and feeling at peace. This works well for him most of the time. But it didn’t work well recently. He’d formed a business partnership, only to discover that his expectations were very different from those of his partner; the partnership wasn’t sustainable and both he and his ex-partner lost a great deal. He came to see that he had glossed over things he’d noticed because he really wanted this partnership.
When we want to believe something is true, we can make it true in our mind. When our business partnership falls apart – or our marriage begins to have serious issues – or our boss frequently forgets to include us in a meeting we should be at – or some other personally important event happens that doesn’t feel right, we soothe ourselves by remembering how it used to be or should be, and talk ourselves into thinking things aren’t that bad.
Until they are. By that time, the damage is done, and everyone loses.
It’s hard to make room for the truth when our feelings and desires want something else to be true. And yet, having the courage to seek that truth empowers.
Beliefs are lies you tell yourself
Quote of the Week
“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest
Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist. To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .