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What you need to know to change a pattern

Why is it so many of us end up with the same kind of person over and over? Our new boyfriend or girlfriend might look completely different from the last one, but once you get to know them, that familiar sinking feeling starts up that happens when you recognize old patterns surfacing.

You might find yourself accommodating your other half more and more, and denying your own needs and desires. All too familiar arguments over finances and daily procedures begin to take over.

You end up wondering how this happened again, because it’s not something you deliberately got into. Whatever you’re doing in contributing to this is not something you consciously do; it’s a very old and well-integrated pattern that you fall into automatically.

From the quote below, Pema Chödrön reminds us that a pattern keeps recurring until we learn how it happened and how to change it into a better one. It’s not easy, but in changing it, we learn what we need to know to free ourselves of this old debilitating pattern.

You’ll know when you’ve changed that pattern the day you meet and fall in love with someone truly different, who matches who you are effortlessly.

Quote of the Week

Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.
― Pema Chödrön


Learning through experience


Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist. To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at .