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I wrote a bit about why not to rely only on an expert in my last post. I did receive an interesting question about relying upon a love coach. Again, is this for validation and why? Are you forcing yourself to love someone you don’t? Maybe lower expectations because social or age pressures? Maybe you want a coach to excuse abusive behaviors? Experts are not answers. They are people with opinions who may or may not be right.

Here’s what you need to know about choice, relationships and expert advice…

we often repeatedly choose similar partners and end up in the same unsatisfying or unsuccessful unions. How are we supposed to know when our attractions should be warning signs? What qualities should we steer away from when we don’t even know a person yet? How do we break the cycle without having to rely upon a love coach or an expert? Well, think about this. When you consciously choose to break a pattern, you can establish a better relationship with a better outcome. If you give an out-of-the-ordinary person a chance, you can become accustomed to this out-of-the-ordinary relationship. Yours could be one of those stories of friends who fall in love or unlikely seeming couples who live happily together.

If you are in a relationship, and you recognize that it is heading toward the same negative outcome as past relationships, you can stop the momentum and avoid another tragic ending. You and your partner are most likely collaborating in creating the negative dynamics in your relationship. Not only is he/she the same kind of person you always end up with, it is most likely that you are the same kind of person he/she ends up with, too.  There is nothing an expert or love coach can do to help you with this. You have to stop making the choice to repeat the pattern. There is no fixing him or her, only a change in direction – a choice made by you.

You don’t need an expert to help you make the choice to find love, stay in a relationship, or leave a relationship. What you need to do is see where you have been, know where you want to go, and then decide for yourself how your choices will lead you there or put you on the wrong path.

Until next time,

Maryanne Nicholls

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