Wishing it were so

Without any awareness, I can blind myself to what’s happening in my life just by focusing exclusively on what I wish were true.

I really wanted the job I’d worked towards to be the perfect job, with great and supportive people. It wasn’t that way in reality: the boss used people, and everyone was so scared of being pointed at that they did whatever she demanded. I really wanted the man I was with to be free of his own demons. He wasn’t: every time I felt blamed when something didn’t pan out, every time he refused to include me, I’d come up with excuses to ease the pain, to help me deny what was before me.

Am I an idiot for not seeing the obvious? For fooling myself? Is there something wrong with me?

No! I wanted something that badly. I wanted to feel good about myself. I wanted to feel like I mattered to others and not feel rejected. That’s all! I’ve learned good things from realizing it.

Quote of the Week

Shallow understanding from people of goodwill is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.
― Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

What I learned from 100 days of rejection

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