I can almost see my grandmother wagging her finger at me as she said this “What we expect isn’t always what we get”. Then she might deepen the dig by adding something like “… and what we get is exactly what we need!”.
Even though I vividly remember what she said, I get caught up – a lot – in what I expect will happen. And what I expect is hardly ever good, but almost always worst case fears coming true.
Why? Because, deep down, I don’t believe that I can succeed. I don’t have full confidence in myself, always believing that there’s something else I need before I’m able and ready.
It’s said that women in our culture are typically the ones who never say anything until they are so overburdened with qualifications they can barely manage to stand upright from the load of credentials on their shoulders, while men learn at an early age to “stretch” the truth and have a go. If they don’t make it, well, there’s always next time.
It is bravado with the men, and false modesty for the women. We both know it. But I do believe it has been taught to us beginning at an early age, and it’s really hard to shake.
I’ve been really ill fr the last 2 weeks. Today I shot some videos with two people who really know and love what they’re doing. We had a blast. I’d prepared for it well. And yet … I worried I’d become ill again half way through. And sure enough, I did. But I’d even prepared for that! And was able to get through it, loving every minute of the experience, even with the illness.
So, getting back to my grandmother: I expected illness and got it. I also expected success. And that trumped illness.
One step at a time!
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Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist. To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .