Respecting the process in relationship

I have a late cancellation policy that I used to feel bad about every time a client cancelled late. Then, somewhere down time, I realized that everything that happens in a therapy or coaching session – it’s all a part of the therapeutic or coaching process. Other than a medical emergency, my client made a decision to do something else. That is their right, as is my right to charge them. We both agreed to it, and it informs us both.

Naturally there are exceptions. Picking up a child that was stranded for instance, or some other event that may lead to a medical emergency if nothing is done.

This goes for me as well, in my personal life. For me, if I really don’t want to address something difficult, I might find a way to delay the inevitable. Or I could be overwhelmed over something else and lose track of time. Or it might simply be ‘one of those days’ and I’d rather pay a fee than do another thing. Or something else that isn’t coming to mind.

Whatever it is, it’s part of my process of growth and living, just as it’s part of my client’s process.

When I learned to see it that way, I also learned to welcome and honour it, both in my life and in theirs.

In both therapy and coaching, my client and I build a relationship together. Whatever happens in the room, and during that time, is a shared experience towards a specific healing goal. That goal may change over time because of the work done and the process getting there, together. It’s really the process that matters in the end, not so much reaching the goal.

I’ll give Harry Kim from Star Trek Voyager the last word: When I think about everything we’ve been through together, maybe it’s not the destination that matters, maybe it’s the journey, and if that journey takes a little longer, so we can do something we all believe in, I can’t think of any place I’d rather be or any people I’d rather be with.

Here’s more on process and change.

Quote of the Week

“It’s good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters in the end.”

– Ursula K. LeGuin

 

Trust the Process