The Transformative Power of Perspective: A Step to the Side

I was with a friend a few weeks ago. We were talking randomly as friends do when suddenly she said seemingly out of the blue about another mutual friend “I hate that man!”.

Have you ever found yourself saying or thinking that about another person? I have. Hate is such a strong word: filled with emotion and anger, maybe also fear. But unless that person has done something seriously bad that directly impacts me or my loved ones, the anger I feel might sometimes be more about me than him or her.

That person might remind me of someone from my past that hurt me. Or might remind me about something inside me that I never want to own, so I project it onto him or her instead.

Standing in judgment, or even self-judgment, takes a great deal of energy. Energy that is no longer available for other, possibly more beneficial, things that make me feel good about myself and my day. It may be age (the older I get the less energy I have to waste), but I simply can’t be bothered using it to fuel rage or hatred. I’d rather spend it on discovering what is really going on inside me, and do something about it.

I’ve come to appreciate that when I am standing in judgment, it not only sours my attitude towards the person in front of me, it dampens my spirit and negatively impacts everyone around me, whether I’m aware of that or not. Then as a result my approach towards myself and others can be harsh. Not only that, I don’t feel good about anything. I might even feel unenthused about the day, or at its mercy. Powerless.

One day, when I was feeling this way I imagined taking a step away from standing in judgment. Just one step to left or right. When I did that, I noticed the layout in front of me had changed, and that gave me a chance to adjust my approach. Instead of feeling rage towards another person or myself, I became more interested in how it happened. When I discovered how, then it was possible for me to try something different.

That feeling of lethargy and even of powerlessness disappeared. What a relief!

Quote of the Week

The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.

-        Eckhart Tolle

The tipping point I got wrong

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At times we need more  - we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  As a registered psychotherapist and life coach, I offer individual one-on-one consultations.  For more information, visit my website or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co