THE BRAVELY BALANCED BLOG
For the overachiever and the overworked!
How exhausted are you? I know the feeling!
Does being exhausted serve you? What if I told you that you could have it all without subjecting yourself to hustle culture?
Sounds divine, doesn’t it? Follow along and feel the ease!
Watching is different than doing
I’ve noticed how expert I am, and others are, at seeing the flaws in others who are working at accomplishing something. It might be leading a group, or doing housework, or baking a cake, or crafting something new. I think there’s a term for it – armchair critic. Probably akin to backseat driver.
It’s easy to see the flaws,
The Courage to Stand Alone: Navigating Group Pressure and Personal Boundaries
Recently I witnessed an emotional altercation that involved group-think, sometimes referred to as confluence. The issue was whether to award a particular person for an achievement, or to award a different person. The person the members of this group wanted to award was a friend of theirs; the other person was not a friend of theirs
From Spectating to Participating: Breaking Free from the Sidelines
For a long time – longer than I care to admit – I would hold off saying what I really thought or felt. Instead, I would tell myself that I wanted to hear and sit with what someone said before making any comments. This wasn’t true with friends or family. It was true with teachers and strangers.
Will this time be different?
I’ve struggled with my weight all my adult life, believing I was too big and needed to lose just a little weight. Even though it’s only a little, that few pounds never stayed off, except when I was sick. And of course, the older I get, the harder it is for me to keep to a particular weight, even allowing for aging.
It’s suspicious.
The Ever-Evolving Quest for Perfection: Lessons from Personal Experiences
In my teens, I would spend many weekend hours sewing and creating for myself, my family and friends. I loved to do it; it fed my imagination and my sense of accomplishment. I recall one Christmas deciding to make a garment for my boyfriend. When I finished, I noticed a hole in the material, and spent the next 4 days meticulously creating a patch that became an art statement. That was a cherished moment for me: I’d elegantly solved a problem, and nobody but me knew it had ever been a problem.
For me, that’s perfection.
The Power of Anticipation: Building Resilience Through Dual Expectations
Plan for the worst, Expect the best. This is advice I give clients, and myself, all the time. Why? Because I tend to do the opposite and end up at minimum disappointed, and at worst, in shock and even trauma. “Opposite” isn’t quite what I used to expect: I wouldn’t expect the worst; as it turned out, I had things in the wrong order – I’d expect the best without any real consideration, then plan accordingly. In addition, I’d expect everything and everyone except me to be perfection, then spend all my waking moments worrying over how I could mess it all up.
Unseen Connections: The Role of Feedback in Human Visibility
I was moved to write about human visibility today, when I came across a quote from Virginia Woolf from her novel A ROOM OF ONE’S OWN: For there is a spot the size of a shilling at the back of the head which one can never see for oneself.
It was likely because I had only recently said something abruptly to another person without knowing it, until a colleague pointed out the impact it had on her as an observer.
The Art Of Keeping It Simple
Keep it simple!
That small three-word imperative is like a tautology – it covers many, many things. For instance, keeping it simple can help you understand something better, or clarify your thinking around an issue; it might help you sort through how you feel about a personal problem. It can significantly impact how and where you live, right down to how you choose your friends and food.
In science, there’s an elegance to keeping it simple
A Hundred Things To Do
What is it about the week before going anywhere? All of a sudden, I am run off my feet with a hundred things to do so that by the time the trip begins, I’m in need of rest.
Does that feel familiar in your own life? A friend mentioned that in passing. We chuckled when I said it seems to be a common trait among people who think too much. It may be a go-to for us;
Authenticity in Action: Fostering a Culture of Respect and Empowerment
“I’m a people pleaser.” … “ I’d rather not rock the boat.” … “You’re the boss, not me.” … “I don’t feel safe here and would rather not speak up.” … “Am I going to be ridiculed if I say anything?”
These are things we might say if we either don’t want to get involved, or fear repercussions if we do get involved. We simply want to keep our heads down and get through the day in one piece.
Leap of Faith: Embracing Risk with Confidence and Intelligence
I believe I’m a risk-taker. Not like a day trader on stock investing, or like a dare devil, but as in trying something new while being willing to fail and try again. Like speaking out loud when I know that what I’m about to say isn’t widely accepted.
When I try something new, I have a fallback plan, and before I make that plan, I do my homework. By the time I decide to jump into what feels like a risk, I feel pretty sure that I’ll survive the jump, and that I’ll learn and grow from it.
I’d like to say that always happens, but it doesn’t always happen.
Attitude and Approach
I’m reminded of the Serenity Prayer – many times a week – as people, including myself, wrestle with the restrictions that continue to be a part of all our lives. The Serenity Prayer, originating from the theologian Reinhold Niebuhr in the 1930’s, goes like this:God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. It reminds me that there are many things I want to be different and can’t make different. There is, however, one thing I can influence – the attitude I come to any situation with, and the approach I take towards it. Instead of feeling put out that appointments are being cancelled because of a new lockdown, I can change my attitude to something less painful.
Beyond the Limits: A Personal Odyssey from Overdrive to Balance
I am getting my branding redesigned – very exciting! Packing to go to a weekend workshop tomorrow. Finally cleaning up my storage areas after having moved to my current location 2 and a half years ago. Clearing out my gardens so that I can begin to plant. And, of course, doing the regular daily things that make up my personal and work day.
All wonderful. All exciting. All, to my mind, necessary. I could blame it on an early Spring… and it’s true that we all feel a hopefulness every Spring that gets us going. But that wouldn’t be all, because I habitually juggle many things at once.
I habitually tend to overstuff my days and weeks …
Shifting Perspectives: Movement as a Catalyst for Change
Movement heals. When you feel stuck, move. The age-old dictum in psychotherapy is “Do something different”, anything at all that truly isn’t a variation on what you have (or haven’t) been doing, with the emphasis on “Do”.
When you feel depressed, I know it feels impossible to move. And yet…
The Healing Pause: Unplugging For Resilience
I spend my days helping others overcome burnout – just want to say that out loud before I relate my recent experience.
I was on a zoom call with a colleague this week. My colleague was obviously depleted and at the same time strung out, reacting to almost everything I said
From Pain To Empowerment: Embracing Healthy Boundaries
I’d like to talk about boundaries – healthy ones. It’s not an issue for many people, but always has been for me, and people like me.
- I’m reluctant to say no to someone who asks for help, and will often find myself involved in something that forces me to put what I need to do for myself on the back burner. Or worse, I end up trying to do everything and don’t get anything done well, letting down myself and the others I was trying to help;
Holding on too tight: When to let go and thrive
I catch myself holding on too tight at times. Honestly, I don’t realize it until a friend mentions something, or after I let go and notice the difference. It’s always from some fear that takes me into holding on as if my life depended on it, because in the moment that is what it feels like. Apparently, it comes from the time movies first started to be made, and actors had to be their own stunt men or women – when they might need to dangle from a bridge, or dangle from the side of a rail car, “for dear life”.
Choosing Grace Over Grudge: From Hurt to Healing through Change
I was hurt by a colleague in a way that cut deeply. I dealt with it by letting her know I was hurt and surprised that she did what she did, then let it go, or so I thought. Recently she was nominated for something prestigious, and I have the power to veto it.I want to veto it. I want to veto it a lot. I want someone else to get that nomination, who is actually very worthy of it and deserves it more than she does. But I know that many who will vote feel against that. Am I open to changing my position on this? Is this a hill I want to die on? Do I want to give this person and the situation that much power?Well, when I put it to myself that way, the answer is no. I will put forward the other names, and I will argue strongly for them. And then I’ll let it all go. Whew! I passed the test. Being open to changing our position on anything that we are emotionally invested in is really difficult. It can come in many guises: saying no to your dearly beloved son or daughter … or parent, when you know that ‘no’ is the right answer; pointing a finger at someone else in order to protect your ego when you know that other person isn’t to blame. There are many ways we are challenged to change something we know isn’t working, but resist doing it.It's called inertia, and it’s a universal law – any object that is at rest with reman so, and any object in motion will continue in motion at that speed and direction unless something forces it to do otherwise. Change is naturally a challenge, so don’t be too hard on yourself when you encounter a need to make a change.
Heart-Centered Resolutions: Transforming Your Life Through Intentions
It’s another early part of a new year, traditionally a time for setting resolutions and intentions for the next 12 months. Resolutions, like losing 10 pounds in one month, or going back to the gym daily, or becoming a vegan tomorrow tend not to work beyond the month. In fact, it’s rare that resolutions ever work for very long, because they seem to be more about what we believe others want and approve of rather than what we feel will make us happier in the long run. Intentions are about personal growth – at least those that stick – because by doing them we feel hopeful for the future. Without feeling hopeful, life isn’t great. Here are some intentions I’ve set for myself over the years:- Be a good leader- Eat and exercise in a way that supports my health- Make my intimate relationships a priority- Build my practice. These kinds of intentions are big and can be complicated sometimes because they all require commitment for the entire year. I use then as daily guides. Is what I’m about to do in line with my intentions for this year?
Respecting the process in relationship
It’s good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters in the end. - Ursula K. LeGuin
I have a late cancellation policy that I used to feel bad about every time a client cancelled late. Then, somewhere down time, I realized that everything that happens in a therapy or coaching session – it’s all a part of the therapeutic or coaching process. Other than a medical emergency, my client made a decision to do something else. That is their right, as is my right to charge them. We both agreed to it, and it informs us both.