THE BRAVELY BALANCED BLOG
For the overachiever and the overworked!
How exhausted are you? I know the feeling!
Does being exhausted serve you? What if I told you that you could have it all without subjecting yourself to hustle culture?
Sounds divine, doesn’t it? Follow along and feel the ease!
Owning Your Expertise: A Personal Journey Beyond Imposter Syndrome
A lot of people feel they are a fraud. Even Maya Anjelou felt that way sometimes. Members of traditionally underrepresented groups tend to feel this more. There are lots of motivational talks, books and videos that can help you if you suffer from this.
I spent an entire week of teaching and listening to others teach. For the first time ever, I can honestly say I did not feel even a touch of imposter. …
Behavioural Ripples: Understanding the Impact of Our Emotions on Others
When we feel badly, we behave badly, often without knowing it.
I’m pretty sure all customer service reps understand this: the customer is already feeling badly and the less mature ones frequently try to take it out on the rep.
I was at one time one of those less mature ones, before I understood my impact on others. …
The Best Time is Now: Turning Regret into Resolve
Have you ever regretted doing something, even long after you did it, and can never undo it? Then, not only regret the action, but also the amount of time you spent not doing anything about it. Yes, the best time to have corrected your mistake might be just after it happened, but for any number of reasons, that didn’t happen.
I still remember …
The Freedom Of Attitude
My dear husband is a kvetcher. He claims it as a birth rite. At least he has an excuse.
I’m not a kvetcher, but I can get my shirt in a knot over things that haven’t even happened, and probably never will. I worry. Worrying puts me in a particularly negative frame of mind, so that I go into a situation expecting the worst.
Viktor Frankl spoke often of a basic freedom we humans have, …
From Cluttered to Clear: Creating Room for Life's Surprises
When I sold my house and moved into what many thought of as a spacious apartment, I had to downsize by two thirds. And still, every millimeter of that apartment was stuffed with my belongings.
I used to regularly carry a purse. That purse, no matter how big, was always overfilled. …
Striking a Balance: Embracing Hope While Managing Expectations
In a week, I’ll spend a day reviewing the past year and setting my intentions for the new year. In looking back over the year, I began it with hopes for the future and expectations on what that future would be like.
My hope was that I would be challenged and be able to meet those challenges. …
Doing Nothing Effectively
A number of years ago now, my supervisor challenged me to go to a park bench and sit there for 2 hours. No reading. No planning. No inner story-telling. No fidgeting. … No texting.
Do nothing for 2 hours. She may have actually said 4 hours. It didn’t matter, …
Crossing the Line: Understanding Boundaries and Bottom Lines
The other day, a dear friend and colleague of mine was accused of being unprofessional without any real data to back it up. My friend was upset enough to sever ties with that person.
Why? She did it because the accuser crossed a bottom line by questioning my friend’s professional competence. …
Round Peg in a Square Hole: The Quest for Authentic Success
Is it owning your own house? Raising children with a loving partner? Having those children grow into balanced and happy adults? Is it happiness for yourself? Or being successful in what you do for a living? Is it simply feeling that you’re a success?
Success has meant many different things …
Watching is different than doing
I’ve noticed how expert I am, and others are, at seeing the flaws in others who are working at accomplishing something. It might be leading a group, or doing housework, or baking a cake, or crafting something new. I think there’s a term for it – armchair critic. Probably akin to backseat driver.
It’s easy to see the flaws,
From Spectating to Participating: Breaking Free from the Sidelines
For a long time – longer than I care to admit – I would hold off saying what I really thought or felt. Instead, I would tell myself that I wanted to hear and sit with what someone said before making any comments. This wasn’t true with friends or family. It was true with teachers and strangers.
The Power of Anticipation: Building Resilience Through Dual Expectations
Plan for the worst, Expect the best. This is advice I give clients, and myself, all the time. Why? Because I tend to do the opposite and end up at minimum disappointed, and at worst, in shock and even trauma. “Opposite” isn’t quite what I used to expect: I wouldn’t expect the worst; as it turned out, I had things in the wrong order – I’d expect the best without any real consideration, then plan accordingly. In addition, I’d expect everything and everyone except me to be perfection, then spend all my waking moments worrying over how I could mess it all up.
Authenticity in Action: Fostering a Culture of Respect and Empowerment
“I’m a people pleaser.” … “ I’d rather not rock the boat.” … “You’re the boss, not me.” … “I don’t feel safe here and would rather not speak up.” … “Am I going to be ridiculed if I say anything?”
These are things we might say if we either don’t want to get involved, or fear repercussions if we do get involved. We simply want to keep our heads down and get through the day in one piece.
Leap of Faith: Embracing Risk with Confidence and Intelligence
I believe I’m a risk-taker. Not like a day trader on stock investing, or like a dare devil, but as in trying something new while being willing to fail and try again. Like speaking out loud when I know that what I’m about to say isn’t widely accepted.
When I try something new, I have a fallback plan, and before I make that plan, I do my homework. By the time I decide to jump into what feels like a risk, I feel pretty sure that I’ll survive the jump, and that I’ll learn and grow from it.
I’d like to say that always happens, but it doesn’t always happen.
Shifting Perspectives: Movement as a Catalyst for Change
Movement heals. When you feel stuck, move. The age-old dictum in psychotherapy is “Do something different”, anything at all that truly isn’t a variation on what you have (or haven’t) been doing, with the emphasis on “Do”.
When you feel depressed, I know it feels impossible to move. And yet…
Choosing Grace Over Grudge: From Hurt to Healing through Change
I was hurt by a colleague in a way that cut deeply. I dealt with it by letting her know I was hurt and surprised that she did what she did, then let it go, or so I thought. Recently she was nominated for something prestigious, and I have the power to veto it.I want to veto it. I want to veto it a lot. I want someone else to get that nomination, who is actually very worthy of it and deserves it more than she does. But I know that many who will vote feel against that. Am I open to changing my position on this? Is this a hill I want to die on? Do I want to give this person and the situation that much power?Well, when I put it to myself that way, the answer is no. I will put forward the other names, and I will argue strongly for them. And then I’ll let it all go. Whew! I passed the test. Being open to changing our position on anything that we are emotionally invested in is really difficult. It can come in many guises: saying no to your dearly beloved son or daughter … or parent, when you know that ‘no’ is the right answer; pointing a finger at someone else in order to protect your ego when you know that other person isn’t to blame. There are many ways we are challenged to change something we know isn’t working, but resist doing it.It's called inertia, and it’s a universal law – any object that is at rest with reman so, and any object in motion will continue in motion at that speed and direction unless something forces it to do otherwise. Change is naturally a challenge, so don’t be too hard on yourself when you encounter a need to make a change.
Heart-Centered Resolutions: Transforming Your Life Through Intentions
It’s another early part of a new year, traditionally a time for setting resolutions and intentions for the next 12 months. Resolutions, like losing 10 pounds in one month, or going back to the gym daily, or becoming a vegan tomorrow tend not to work beyond the month. In fact, it’s rare that resolutions ever work for very long, because they seem to be more about what we believe others want and approve of rather than what we feel will make us happier in the long run. Intentions are about personal growth – at least those that stick – because by doing them we feel hopeful for the future. Without feeling hopeful, life isn’t great. Here are some intentions I’ve set for myself over the years:- Be a good leader- Eat and exercise in a way that supports my health- Make my intimate relationships a priority- Build my practice. These kinds of intentions are big and can be complicated sometimes because they all require commitment for the entire year. I use then as daily guides. Is what I’m about to do in line with my intentions for this year?
Respecting the process in relationship
It’s good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters in the end. - Ursula K. LeGuin
I have a late cancellation policy that I used to feel bad about every time a client cancelled late. Then, somewhere down time, I realized that everything that happens in a therapy or coaching session – it’s all a part of the therapeutic or coaching process. Other than a medical emergency, my client made a decision to do something else. That is their right, as is my right to charge them. We both agreed to it, and it informs us both.
Beyond Reactivity: Building Bridges in the Midst of Differences
No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it. - Albert Einstein
These days, it’s hard not to get into an argument without avoiding. Deferring, deflecting, being agreeable and complacent, saying nothing. It sometimes feels as though it’s either that, or reacting by saying or doing something we’ll regret later. Friends, family, co-workers… ourselves – many people are reactive and ready to take offense.
Expectations and Surprises: Decoding the Language of Confusion
A woman was sitting next to me in a coffee shop in deep conversation with someone over the phone. The discussion was animated, at least on her end. I couldn’t help but notice her expression because it, too, was very animated.