Finding Balance: Moving Beyond the Worry That Follows Joy
“I just got my dream job, and felt wonderful for about an hour, until I began to dread what bad thing might come on its tail.”
If you’ve never felt this, or heard your friends and family say it and believe it, then you’re not a worrier or associated with worriers.
I’m a worrier, and always unconsciously assumed that bad would follow good. Even more, that I would somehow cause that bad thing to happen. “Everything has a price”, I’d say, “but does it have to be that kind of price?”.
It doesn’t. I knew this, but still could never quite shake the feeling that my good feelings would be soon ruined. Until, that is, I changed how I saw “good” and “bad”.
There’s a Taoist tale about a farmer and his fate. One day, as this farmer is working, his one plough horse runs away. The neighbors say how sorry they are for him. The farmer replies “Maybe yes, maybe no”. A few days later, the horse returns trailed by a herd of wild horses. The neighbors celebrate the farmer for his good fortune. He replies as before “Maybe yes, maybe no”. Then the farmer’s son gets injured trying to tame one of the wild horses. The neighbors lament at the farmer’s bad fortune; to which he replies “Maybe yes, maybe no”. A week later the army passes through picking up ever able-bodied young man. His son is left because of his injury. “What luck!” his neighbors cry, and once again, the farmer replies “Maybe yes, maybe no”.
The message for me is this: life is a natural process of ups and downs, and if you find yourself up one day, you will naturally be down, or at least not as high the next day. And then another high happens. And so on.
Now when something hurtful, or something wonderful happens, I grieve or I enjoy and then let it go.
Quote of the week
If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.
Dalai Lama
We don’t move on from grief. We move forward with it
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Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist. To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .