Round Peg in a Square Hole: The Quest for Authentic Success

What’s success to you? 

Is it owning your own house? Raising children with a loving partner? Having those children grow into balanced and happy adults? Is it happiness for yourself? Or being successful in what you do for a living? Is it simply feeling that you’re a success?

Success has meant many different things to me in my life. In my 20’s, it meant gaining independence. I did that, then found I wanted more. Then in my 30’s and into my 40’s it meant gaining a degree in a field of study that inspired me. I sort of did that… and sort of not. After that, it meant climbing the corporate ladder and gaining a position where I felt I made a real difference. I did accomplish the first and felt for a while that I accomplished the second as well, until I discovered that I really didn’t! Then, in my 50’s, it meant moving to a field where I really would make a positive difference. I’m there now, and – at times – still feel unsatisfied.

What I’ve discovered is that every time I achieved success, I needed something more to move towards. Always.

Sometimes I didn’t succeed – because I made mistakes, or because it turned out that what I was aiming at was something that didn’t really suit me. It might be because I wanted to fit in, that I had to somehow force my round self into a square slot of someone else’s making. That never worked. I’d like to say that I learned from it, gaining in wisdom. Sometimes I did. Many times I didn’t, finding myself in the same familiar hole as a result.

It still happens at times – doing what I don’t want to do in order to satisfy someone’s else’s goals. More and more often, though, even if I begin that way, I can change direction, and return to my own path.

And that, to me, is success!

Quote of the Week

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

• Winston Churchill

Why the secret to success is setting the right goals

Announcements

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .