THE BRAVELY BALANCED BLOG
For the overachiever and the overworked!
How exhausted are you? I know the feeling!
Does being exhausted serve you? What if I told you that you could have it all without subjecting yourself to hustle culture?
Sounds divine, doesn’t it? Follow along and feel the ease!
5 Why's
This week I thought I’d offer a useful coaching tool, when you’re feeling stuck and need to choose. It’s called the 5 why’s. It was given to the world in the early 20th century by Sakichi Toyoda, a Japanese inventor and industrialist. I find that it’s really useful in getting clarity about something I’m fogged up on. It’s a very simple method: ask why 5 times.
When is doubt a good thing?
One of the main issues that stop me and many of my clients is self-doubt. It makes us hesitate and freeze because we question ourselves. It depletes energy and motivation. It’s, frankly, a killer.
I spend a lot of my personal and professional time developing confidence and helping others develop confidence, which is the opposite of self-doubt. Confidence provides energy and motivation. It probably floods our bodies with dopamine. It’s feeds life.
Love Conquers
The topic of love conquering all sometimes, to me, sounds too cute, as if all I have to do is put aside the anger I feel towards injustice and ‘just feel love’.
I don’t know about you, but ‘just feeling love’ like that doesn’t work for me. It doesn’t even work for my husband, who’s way nicer than I am.
Changing expectations for success
I had to travel today to try and correct an error. It took all day, which meant that all my day job things were waiting for me when I got home. It was a very long day.
I didn’t end up getting that error corrected. I did end up with more work to do out of that experience that I’m not looking forward to, but will do because it needs doing. In the past, I would probably have experienced this day as beyond frustrating, because my expectations would most certainly have been geared entirely towards focusing on what I wanted to happen rather than on what I could make happen.
Letting go of my attachments
I'm with a dear friend who can’t let go of a desire she’s had for years. She's tried everything imaginable to make it real, and nothing she’s tried has worked. I’m not saying that if she tries one more thing, that thing might do the trick, but I’ve seen this too often before – in me!
When I want something to happen, it used to be that I could not let it go. It could be a work idea, a home idea, a relationship idea, anything that I became passionate about. It would fill my vision, my thoughts, my dreams. I really would try everything I could imagine, then imagine some more, until I’d either get want I wanted, or find a different passion. My friends could not talk me out of my current obsession – because that’s really what it was. It would literally consume me.
What's the matter with comparing?
I have a confession to make: I compare myself to others all the time. How I look. How I eat. How I am received. And so much more.
I read and hear that we shouldn’t. That we should be happy with who and how we are. Then, on top of feeling inadequate from all the comparing, we also feel guilty for doing something we “shouldn’t” do.
Comparing is a major problem among young girls, who view touched-up images on tictoc and decide they’re too fat, or aren’t good enough in some other sense. According to research, many hurt themselves in an attempt to attain the impossible image they see. Complete self-acceptance and self-love is so important for them to grasp, and so hard for them to do.
judgment, resentment, acceptance
I have a confession to make: I compare myself to others all the time. How I look. How I eat. How I am received. And so much more.
I read and hear that we shouldn’t. That we should be happy with who and how we are. Then, on top of feeling inadequate from all the comparing, we also feel guilty for doing something we “shouldn’t” do.
Comparing is a major problem among young girls, who view touched-up images on tictoc and decide they’re too fat, or aren’t good enough in some other sense. According to research, many hurt themselves in an attempt to attain the impossible image they see. Complete self-acceptance and self-love is so important for them to grasp, and so hard for them to do.
The self-doubt thief
Some time ago now (very thankfully!), I experienced on a daily basis an inner struggle between what the ‘experts’ said and what I felt I needed to do. Too often, I’d chose the experts over myself, and every time I’d discover I had been wrong to choose them over me.
I’d often end up succeeding in what I did, but at a huge cost. Too often, I’d end up failing, also at a huge cost. The cost in both cases was a growing self-doubt that ate me up inside and kept me in a chronically anxious state.
I see you
I had a best buddy a few years ago – Seamus. Seamus was my jogging partner, my co-host when I entertained, my confidant. He was fun, filled with life, and endlessly entertaining. He was always there for me, and I was always there for him.
Seamus was an Irish Terrier. When he died of bladder cancer, I felt as though a large part of my insides disappeared, leaving a huge gaping empty hole.
Next door to my house lives Luci, short for Lucipurr, a pitch black cat with green eyes. Whenever Luci is outside, she runs to greet me (and every other neighbor), demanding attention for as long as I’m willing to provide it.
Kindness
I’m taking the first part of a 2-part series on EMDR, a psychotherapeutic method that is often associated with PTSD support. I’m really enjoying it. A big part of why I enjoy learning this and other therapeutic techniques is that we get to practice on each other. We get to personally feel it working, and make genuine and kind connection with each other.
Kindness is, for me, a cornerstone of psychotherapeutic work. It’s a big part of why I love what I do. And I get to do it every day.