Empathy and Impact

I wonder if you’ve ever experienced the following: you’re listening to someone you don’t know at all go on at length about something incredibly personal; it begins to grate on you. Or, you’re having coffee with a friend who is going through tough times. After listening attentively for an hour, you begin to wonder when they will finish and find yourself judging your friend.

I’ve experienced both situations. When I begin to judge the other person, it doesn’t make me feel very good, so I stop. What would be helpful is not going there at all.

Why do I? I do it because I want to be kind or nice (I tell myself), and then I get annoyed with both myself and the other person as they continue.

My annoyance has an impact – a negative one – on the other person. Often much greater that I imagine: Nobody likes being judged or ignored.

On the other hand, when I’m able to catch the moment I begin to wander off, and do something constructive and real – like acknowledging how they must be feeling and then inviting them to engage with me in a different experience, the result, at least for me, is positive. I’ve taken care of myself and therefore am able to genuinely connect with the other person.

Genuine connection and empathy  is always felt by the other person. My impact is positive, often much greater than I imagine.

Quote of the week

No one knows for certain how much impact they have on the lives of other people. Oftentimes, we have no clue. Yet we push it just the same.

• Jay Asher

How language changes the way we think

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Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .