Archive: Balance

Balance, Psychotherapy

You have impact!

August 15, 2018 Eloisa Villaneuva Leave a comment

You’re feeling crappy – not so crappy that you have to go to bed, but just off. You’ve been working all day. You’re tired. You just want to go home and hide in a book. But, you’ve made plans. You promised to be at your friend’s inauguration – or birthday party, or opening.

Then you find yourself in self-talk. It goes something like: “You know, there are thousands of people who are going to be there. Who am I anyway?. She won’t miss me.”

So you stay home. Next week when you see her, she seems distant. She says she understands but you can see in her face and gestures that she’s hurt.

What does that tell you? You have more impact than you ever imagined.

You count! Just like your friend does.

Announcements

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters for a sample. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist. To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

Anxiety Stress and Fear, Balance

Overwhelmed?

August 14, 2018 Maryanne Nicholls Leave a comment

Every once in a while – every time I get wound up with something I really want to get done – at some point, I end up in a place of overwhelm. At some point, I’ll find myself standing staring at nothing, wanting to drop it all and run away.

If you’ve ever felt that way, then you know the feeling. I don’t run away. Not any more. Because I’ve learned how to deal with it.

If you’re looking for ways in your own life to deal with that feeling of being overwhelmed, here’s one thing you can do: close your eyes – wherever you are – take 3 really deep and slow breaths, then ask yourself “What’s the most important ONE thing I need to do?”

Then do it, and only it.

If what you’re thinking is too big and complex to get done easily, then make it smaller until it’s simple and doable in less than an hour.

Seriously, if you do this one thing, that sense of overwhelm will either disappear completely or become very small.

Try it!

If you’re interested in learning more, my online workshop on Burning the Candle at Both Ends can help. It’s starting this October. Click here if you’re interested in learning about it.

Balance, Newsletter

You are enough

August 12, 2018 Eloisa Villaneuva Leave a comment

What makes you hesitate when someone asks you something and you already know the answer? Or gleefully accepting a long-sought-after promotion that you worked hard for? Or disagreeing publicly with someone you admire.

It might be because you feel less than; that whatever you have to offer won’t be enough for the person who asks, offers or invites you to show your shining.

But, if you really have worked hard for what you have, if you’ve applied yourself passionately and honestly, then whatever you have to offer is worth it. It’s worth hearing and acknowledging. In fact, the rest of need it, and will be worse off without it.

You are enough. As you are. In this moment.

Being who we are

Quote of the Week

“We have to acknowledge sometimes that this moment is enough. This place is enough. I am enough.” - Sue Monk Kidd

Announcement

Blog: In case you missed it, here’s my latest blog.
Need more? At times we need more - we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us. I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages. For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co . Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach. To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co.

Anger and Depression, Balance

Being vulnerable – what does it really mean?

August 10, 2018 Eloisa Villaneuva Leave a comment

Listening to Krista Tippett being interviewed (for a change). The topic was Vulnerability.

Her point, when asked about her own vulnerability, was that it is ever-present. Otherwise, why all the many studies that continue on this topic?

It’s something we learn to hide at an early age – that’s why we armor. Something that we protect the most. Something that we know is precious, and that we therefore treat as fragile.

I know I do at times. I can become highly protective of my own vulnerability whenever I’m with someone I don’t trust, or who I feel is attacking me. What I tend to do is to attack back. It’s a natural response: one of two that we have at our disposal when feeling threatened.

My challenge – and I suspect this is true for may of you – is to learn to treat my own vulnerability as powerful, and not fragile. So that when I feel threatened, I can still show that I’m vulnerable – can still show the tender parts – and know, deep down, that I am safe.

Announcements

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters for a sample. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist. To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

Balance, Meditation and Mindfulness

You look’n at ME?!

August 7, 2018 Maryanne Nicholls 1 Comment

This little parrot says it all. So natural. So connected to it’s universe that it un-self-consciously flaunts it’s beauty at us. The parrot has attitude!

You can do that. So can I! We can do it the minute we can let go of the worry, fears and expectations that can drag us down and dull our feathers.

It’s not easy. If it were, it wouldn’t still be such a block. But, it is completely doable.

If you’re interested, my online workshop on Burning the Candle at Both Ends can help. It’s is starting this October. Click here if you’re interested in learning about it.

Balance, Newsletter

Get out there!

August 4, 2018 Eloisa Villaneuva Leave a comment

I write this title in trepidation, because I’m not an “out there” kind of woman. In fact just thinking about it makes me want to go read another book.

And that’s why I’m writing about it. I suspect I’m not alone feeling this way.

I can’t tell you the number of times well-meaning friends have tried to “encourage” me to become an extrovert – because that’s what they’re really trying to do, whether they realize it or not. Or the number of teachers who take my way of being as a personal challenge to get me to convert to something more of their liking.

I cry out in frustration You guys leave me be! This is the way I am. Period!

To no avail. They can’t seem to help themselves. Then – finally – one of these people suggested that what was really going on was that I was closed to learning something new. That I was “unteachable”.

OK. That’s it! The final insult. You’ve thrown down the gauntlet? I accept the challenge.

No, I’m not going to suddenly become a raging extrovert. But I am going to deliberately get out there in ways that feel right to me. Not things that feel comfortable, but right, like speaking publicly, doing facebook live, and speaking my mind face-to-face.

I wouldn’t mind some company.

Morgan Freedman – Courage is the key to life itself

Quote of the Week

“The greatest act of courage is to be and to own all of who you are – without apology, without excuses, without masks … “ - Debbie Ford

Announcement

Balance, Psychotherapy

Show off!

August 2, 2018 Eloisa Villaneuva Leave a comment

Rather than telling people how great we are, we show them how great we are. – Renee Ballard

Renee is a woman I’m currently getting to know. She’s a fellow Martha Beck Coach, and also a Social Media maven. I honestly can’t remember what we were talking about, but I do remember what she concluded.

For some people, showing their own greatness can be a lot harder than simply talking about it. For others, both are hard. I’m reminded of one of my favorite childhood heroes – the introverted cowboy “greenhorn” hero of the classic western who, instead of coming in with both guns blazing, shows up and does the right thing when it’s needed. Nice and elegant.

Learning to be comfortable showing off my greatness only happened when I finally got it. I ”got” that, as long as I hid that greatness, those who needed what I have to offer couldn’t get it.

You and I have something to show off that’s unique, wanted, and needed. Just like that greenhorn hero from the movies.

Announcements

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist. To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

Anxiety Stress and Fear, Balance

Is it Draining? Or, is it Energizing?

July 31, 2018 Maryanne Nicholls 1 Comment

I have a lot on my plate these days. Actually, I almost always have a lot on my plate. Even knowing that I tend to overdo it, having cut down considerably, I still have a lot on my plate.

I’ve stopped apologizing for it. Stopped seeing it as a defect of character. I’ve come to embrace it, even. It is simply a part of who I am.

So, last night, I found myself eating a bag of pistachios at 2 in the morning because I was over-tired and wanted to keep my body going till I finished one more thing. Then at some point I realized what I was doing might not be a good thing, and promptly stopped eating and went to bed.

How did I do it? I’ve been practicing an awareness technique that I learnt from Martha Beck. She calls it shackles on and off. That’s too much of a mouthful for me. I simply ask myself the following:

Is what I’m doing (or contemplating doing) draining or energizing?

That’s all. And after practicing this regularly, it’s become automatic. I no longer have to ask that question. The minute I catch myself in an act that might not work, my body lets me know.

If this simple technique helps you – great!

If you think you’d like more tools, check into my online workshop Burning the Candle at Both Ends. It starts this October. Click here if you’re interested in learning about it.

Balance, Newsletter

Live Happy

July 29, 2018 Maryanne Nicholls 1 Comment

A few months ago, National Geographic featured the work of Dan Buettner on what makes a person’s life satisfying. From his travels around the world, he found 3 ways, and 3 locations that featured these 3 ways.

One is a life that’s secure and safe, where it’s easy to make a good living; the location is Singapore.

Another is an interactive life, where people mingle every day – a place that lends itself living outdoors and walking everywhere; this location is a town in Costa Rica.

The last is Northern Denmark. Here, people can freely pursue what gives their lives meaning. They don’t have to worry about health care or education. This is all provided. And therefore, they can focus on working at what they love to do. In Denmark, 80% of workers like their job (as opposed to 30% in the US).

I like the second and third options, especially the third. That’s because what I do is very important to me, and when I do what I love, I’m happy. Even without health coverage and educational opportunities, I find ways to fulfill this need of mine.

It seems to depend on what kind of person we are. There is no right answer for everyone, and I suspect there are a few more ways of living that bring certain people real happiness.

Which are you?

You can take a true happiness test – for free - at www.bluezones.com .

Where Joy hides and how to find it

Quote of the Week

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
- Mahatma Gandhi

Announcement

Balance, Holistic Health

How to gain energy, and not lose it, doing what you love

July 28, 2018 Maryanne Nicholls 1 Comment

Which situation would you rather be in?

Working on something you love, or that’s important; getting the support you need. No judgment, put-downs, control issues, hidden agendas. No isolation. Instead, being around others who really like you, and who you really like. Who appreciate what you do and how you do it. Who are willing to try things out and see what happens. Or,
Working on something you love, or that’s important; not getting any meaningful or positive support. Surrounded by implied threats, judgments, expectations, criticism. Where nothing you do is up to scratch – or barely up to scratch – or judged that way, even if you know it really is.

I’ve been in both, and no matter how great the work is, I no longer have the energy or patience to stick with the second. That kind of negativity is toxic and eventually drains me of all energy and ambition.

These days, I look for opportunities to collaborate with others who I like to be around. Who I feel good around. And who appreciate what I do.

I’ve learned this the hard way. Perhaps you have too.

What happened to me was I eventually burnt out. What I did about it is what my online workshop on Burning the Candle at Both Ends is all about. It’s starting this October. Click here if you’re interested in learning about it.