Archive: Holistic Health

Riding the wave

 

Almost every client I see, almost every person I know, wants to have an exciting job, and great home, 2 ½ kids, a successful marriage, manageable expenses, lots of savings, and regular holidays to exotic places. I know a few people and clients who don’t buy into this dream, but honestly, they are countable on maybe 2 hands.

What I just described is sometimes called the “American Dream”; and that dream, while it might have been attainable for most people long ago, isn’t any longer.  The truth is that my parents were closer to realizing that dream than I ever was, and I’m closer than generations following me.  What my parents discovered was that the dream was empty – because there was a hidden cost.  I was about the same age as the daughter in Mad Men, and just as in the series, many of my mother’s friends were drinking too much or in psych wards. That was the cost – society restricted the role of women in order to make jobs available for men. It’s when Women’s Liberation began, and for good reason.

Having said all this, while “having it all” may be a pipe dream, creating a life that makes you feel satisfied and happy is absolutely possible. The first thing to ask yourself, if you really want happiness, is what kind of person are you? Do you have the ambition needed to even attempt the BIG dream? Or, is that something you’ve talked yourself into, or heard so many times you simply don’t question its application to your own life. For instance, those few people I mentioned in the first paragraph? None of them want fame or fortune. They have deliberately chosen a style of life that suits them, and that lifestyle doesn’t include a lot of high-octane risk. It does include risk, but not that kind of risk. In general, they’re happy, and tend to experience joy every day.

If you’re the kind of person who does want something bigger, then it’s important that you understand the risks, and also understand clearly how equipped you are in dealing with all possible consequences. You might fail; you might go broke; you might lose it all; you may have to revamp all your thoughts and plans over and over again. Do you have the stamina to ride through those possibilities? Are you the kind of person who can deal easily with uncertainty, without stress – without driving yourself (and everyone around you) crazy in the process?

If you are, then you know the thrill of riding that wave of chaos. For many of us who’ve experienced this thrill, like most really good and worthwhile things in life, it happens infrequently.  The rest of the time is getting there – preparing, planning, creating, executing those plans, then experiencing the result … tweaking or revamping and trying again. Then moving to the next level and doing it all over.

That’s one thing to understand. The other thing to understand is that none of us get there on our own. Mostly, we rely on those steady others – those steady hearts who work well with less risk and less excitement.

Steady heart or wave rider – we need both. Which are you?

Is there a real you?

 

Quote of the Week
“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”
― Isaac Asimov

 

Announcements 

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co .

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co.

Riding the wave

 

Almost every client I see, almost every person I know, wants to have an exciting job, and great home, 2 ½ kids, a successful marriage, manageable expenses, lots of savings, and regular holidays to exotic places. I know a few people and clients who don’t buy into this dream, but honestly, they are countable on maybe 2 hands.

What I just described is sometimes called the “American Dream”; and that dream, while it might have been attainable for most people long ago, isn’t any longer.  The truth is that my parents were closer to realizing that dream than I ever was, and I’m closer than generations following me.  What my parents discovered was that the dream was empty – because there was a hidden cost.  I was about the same age as the daughter in Mad Men, and just as in the series, many of my mother’s friends were drinking too much or in psych wards. That was the cost – society restricted the role of women in order to make jobs available for men. It’s when Women’s Liberation began, and for good reason.

Having said all this, while “having it all” may be a pipe dream, creating a life that makes you feel satisfied and happy is absolutely possible. The first thing to ask yourself, if you really want happiness, is what kind of person are you? Do you have the ambition needed to even attempt the BIG dream? Or, is that something you’ve talked yourself into, or heard so many times you simply don’t question its application to your own life. For instance, those few people I mentioned in the first paragraph? None of them want fame or fortune. They have deliberately chosen a style of life that suits them, and that lifestyle doesn’t include a lot of high-octane risk. It does include risk, but not that kind of risk. In general, they’re happy, and tend to experience joy every day.

If you’re the kind of person who does want something bigger, then it’s important that you understand the risks, and also understand clearly how equipped you are in dealing with all possible consequences. You might fail; you might go broke; you might lose it all; you may have to revamp all your thoughts and plans over and over again. Do you have the stamina to ride through those possibilities? Are you the kind of person who can deal easily with uncertainty, without stress – without driving yourself (and everyone around you) crazy in the process?

If you are, then you know the thrill of riding that wave of chaos. For many of us who’ve experienced this thrill, like most really good and worthwhile things in life, it happens infrequently.  The rest of the time is getting there – preparing, planning, creating, executing those plans, then experiencing the result … tweaking or revamping and trying again. Then moving to the next level and doing it all over.

That’s one thing to understand. The other thing to understand is that none of us get there on our own. Mostly, we rely on those steady others – those steady hearts who work well with less risk and less excitement.

Steady heart or wave rider – we need both. Which are you?

 

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co 

Right now is …

 

Life is the moment we’re living right now. (Paulo Coelho)

I spend a lot of time thinking about the next thing I’m going to do. Every morning, once I have my coffee in hand, I look at my to do list for the day. Half an hour later, I’ve envisioned everything on that list, as if each thing had already happened. I remember a few days ago telling Andy (my husband) what my plans were, and it seemed, by 9am, that it was already 8pm. That I’d already lived the whole day in the first hour.

No wonder time flies for me! What would happen if I truly lived in this moment? Right now.

 

Want to be happier? Stay in the moment

 

 

Quote of the Week

“The Expulsion from Paradise is eternal in its principal aspect: this makes it irrevocable, and our living in this world inevitable, but the eternal nature of the process has the effect that not only could we remain forever in Paradise, but that we are currently there, whether we know it or not.”

― Franz Kafka, The Zürau Aphorisms

Announcements 

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co .

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co.

Right now is …

 

Life is the moment we’re living right now. (Paulo Coelho)

I spend a lot of time thinking about the next thing I’m going to do. Every morning, once I have my coffee in hand, I look at my to do list for the day. Half an hour later, I’ve envisioned everything on that list, as if each thing had already happened. I remember a few days ago telling Andy (my husband) what my plans were, and it seemed, by 9am, that it was already 8pm. That I’d already lived the whole day in the first hour.

No wonder time flies for me! What would happen if I truly lived in this moment? Right now.

 

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co 

How to manipulate successfully

 

Yes, this is a somewhat tongue-in-cheek blog today. It struck me a while back that all the things some modern coaches tell us to do can be used to fool people into thinking you’re someone you’re not.  Coaching on how to win friends and influence people. Wait, isn’t that what Dale Carnegie – grand master of manipulation – taught?

The “solid” handshake, looking people straight in the eye, knowing beforehand what your audience wants and then talking to that, whether you personally believe it or not.  Standing with feet slightly apart and hands by your sides. Smiling, projecting your voice, doing something to generate energy inside you so that you exude energy and vibrancy on the outside (Tony Robins runs for at least 5 minutes before any talk to do just that).

I’m not saying that Tony Robins is a manipulator, or anyone using these techniques. What I am saying is that if those actions aren’t natural to you, then you aren’t being genuine, and while they might work on some, they won’t work on everyone. Eventually, that chicken will come home to roost; every action costs something, and the cost of not being genuine may end up being an expensive one.

A better way is to be real. Some people won’t like it, and that’s OK. Those people aren’t your people anyway. The cost of being genuine is peace of mind, and feeling great achieving whatever it is you achieved doing so.

I once gave a talk at a university and about 10 seconds before I began, I had a severe dizzy episode. It was all I could do to stay upright, and my speech showed it. Needless to say, I was never asked back and I learnt that letting everyone know what was happening might have been a better idea. More genuine.  I’ve given a lot of speeches since then, and having already experienced the worst possible scenario gives me a sense of ease that helps me be genuine. I don’t think you need to experience what I did to get there.

How Amazon, Apple, Facebook and Google manipulate our emotions (by the way, I like Ayn Rand)

 

 

Quote of the Week 

One of the methods of manipulation is to inoculate individuals with the bourgeois appetite for personal success.”  ― Paulo Freire

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co 

 

How to manipulate successfully

 

Yes, this is a somewhat tongue-in-cheek blog today. It struck me a while back that all the things some modern coaches tell us to do can be used to fool people into thinking you’re someone you’re not.  Coaching on how to win friends and influence people. Wait, isn’t that what Dale Carnegie – grand master of manipulation – taught?

The “solid” handshake, looking people straight in the eye, knowing beforehand what your audience wants and then talking to that, whether you personally believe it or not.  Standing with feet slightly apart and hands by your sides. Smiling, projecting your voice, doing something to generate energy inside you so that you exude energy and vibrancy on the outside (Tony Robins runs for at least 5 minutes before any talk to do just that).

I’m not saying that Tony Robins is a manipulator, or anyone using these techniques. What I am saying is that if those actions aren’t natural to you, then you aren’t being genuine, and while they might work on some, they won’t work on everyone. Eventually, that chicken will come home to roost; every action costs something, and the cost of not being genuine may end up being an expensive one.

A better way is to be real. Some people won’t like it, and that’s OK. Those people aren’t your people anyway. The cost of being genuine is peace of mind, and feeling great achieving whatever it is you achieved doing so.

I once gave a talk at a university and about 10 seconds before I began, I had a severe dizzy episode. It was all I could do to stay upright, and my speech showed it. Needless to say, I was never asked back and I learnt that letting everyone know what was happening might have been a better idea. More genuine.  I’ve given a lot of speeches since then, and having already experienced the worst possible scenario gives me a sense of ease that helps me be genuine. I don’t think you need to experience what I did to get there.

 

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co 

 

Will it matter tomorrow?

 

This is a busy time of year for most of us. Business and family parties, finishing off what won’t keep for the New Year, preparing for those few days you plan to relax. Every time I plan a vacation, my to-do list grows, and a lot of things I put off indefinitely seem to gain in urgency, so that by the time I go, I’m exhausted, having been up till 4 in the morning taking care of all those urgent matters.

It’s as if I’m preparing for the possibility of death or extreme change, so that everything becomes urgent. More than important.

A trick I learned a while ago for dealing with my own temporary insanity around sudden urgent tasks is this:  if I feel an overwhelming need to get some task done, even though the need to get this thing done was never that important before, I delete it. Completely.  Then I look at the important tasks, and focus only on them, because when I label something “important”, I’m doing so from a calm, considered place. On the other hand, when I label something “urgent” I’m not at all coming from a place of calm.

I suspect that “urgent” really means “I’ll keep myself so busy that I can’t possibly worry about what might go wrong with this long-awaited event”. I suspect this, because if it happens that the urgent task doesn’t get done, by the time I return, I don’t even think about it.

Is this a habit of yours too? Even with important tasks, some may not be as important as I believe.  The question then is: will it matter tomorrow? How will I feel tomorrow, a month or a year from now if I don’t finish this? Will it really matter in the long run?

Even more revealing is asking: what will matter tomorrow, a month or a year from now? What are you doing now that will help you grow and thrive tomorrow?

Measuring what makes life worthwhile

 

 

Quote of the Week 

What is important is seldom urgent and what is urgent is seldom important.”
― Dwight D. Eisenhower

Announcements 

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co . Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

 

Will it matter tomorrow?

 

This is a busy time of year for most of us. Business and family parties, finishing off what won’t keep for the New Year, preparing for those few days you plan to relax. Every time I plan a vacation, my to-do list grows, and a lot of things I put off indefinitely seem to gain in urgency, so that by the time I go, I’m exhausted, having been up till 4 in the morning taking care of all those urgent matters.

It’s as if I’m preparing for the possibility of death or extreme change, so that everything becomes urgent. More than important.

A trick I learned a while ago for dealing with my own temporary insanity around sudden urgent tasks is this:  if I feel an overwhelming need to get some task done, even though the need to get this thing done was never that important before, I delete it. Completely.  Then I look at the important tasks, and focus only on them, because when I label something “important”, I’m doing so from a calm, considered place. On the other hand, when I label something “urgent” I’m not at all coming from a place of calm.

I suspect that “urgent” really means “I’ll keep myself so busy that I can’t possibly worry about what might go wrong with this long-awaited event”. I suspect this, because if it happens that the urgent task doesn’t get done, by the time I return, I don’t even think about it.

Is this a habit of yours too? Even with important tasks, some may not be as important as I believe.  The question then is: will it matter tomorrow? How will I feel tomorrow, a month or a year from now if I don’t finish this? Will it really matter in the long run?

Even more revealing is asking: what will matter tomorrow, a month or a year from now? What are you doing now that will help you grow and thrive tomorrow?

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters. It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .

 

The labyrinth that is ourselves

 

The only person who can solve the labyrinth of yourself is you.

This quote from Jeremy Denk got my attention. In some ways, we are all more alike than we think. In other ways, we are such a complex mixture of our genes, experiences, culture, community, when and where we were born and grew up, even our level of maturity.

We are alike in how we are equipped to connect with our world, in our need for family, friends and other humans (even if we’re ‘loners’), in our capacity to learn and take in knowledge, and to pass it on.

And, we are unique in how we react or respond to our world, in our ways of inviting or avoiding contact,  protecting ourselves, in our choices to either grow or not grow, and to leave our legacy small. Or large.

When we get stuck emotionally, it’s good to seek help. But whatever help we seek is only as good as the commitment and effort we invest into solving out issues. Nobody will ever know us as well as we know ourselves.

Is life really that complex?

 

Quote of the Week 

I never knew anybody . . . who found life simple. I think a life or a time looks simple when you leave out the details.”
― Ursula K. Le Guin, The Birthday of the World and Other Stories

Announcements 

Need more? At times we need more  – we know the logic, know what to do. And yet something is still blocking us.  I offer both one-on-one consultations and coaching packages.  For more information, visit my website www.thejoyofliving.co/services-and-programs or contact me directly at maryanne@thejoyofliving.co .

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist and Life Coach.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co.

 

 

The labyrinth that is ourselves

 

The only person who can solve the labyrinth of yourself is you.

This quote from Jeremy Denk got my attention. In some ways, we are all more alike than we think. In other ways, we are such a complex mixture of our genes, experiences, culture, community, when and where we were born and grew up, even our level of maturity.

We are alike in how we are equipped to connect with our world, in our need for family, friends and other humans (even if we’re ‘loners’), in our capacity to learn and take in knowledge, and to pass it on.

And, we are unique in how we react or respond to our world, in our ways of inviting or avoiding contact,  protecting ourselves, in our choices to either grow or not grow, and to leave our legacy small. Or large.

When we get stuck emotionally, it’s good to seek help. But whatever help we seek is only as good as the commitment and effort we invest into solving out issues. Nobody will ever know us as well as we know ourselves.

Announcements 

If you like this blog, you’ll also like my newsletters . It’s written only for my insiders who sign up, and provides weekly insights, not only from me, but from others I admire.

To sign up  for my insider newsletter, click here. If you find it doesn’t work for you, all you have to do to unsubscribe is click on the link at the bottom of the newsletter.

Looking forward to welcoming you to my growing list of insiders!

Maryanne

 

Maryanne Nicholls is a Registered Psychotherapist.  To find out more, gain access to her weekly newsletter, meditations and programmes, sign up at www.thejoyofliving.co .