THE BRAVELY BALANCED BLOG
For the overachiever and the overworked!
How exhausted are you? I know the feeling!
Does being exhausted serve you? What if I told you that you could have it all without subjecting yourself to hustle culture?
Sounds divine, doesn’t it? Follow along and feel the ease!
Shifting Perspectives: Movement as a Catalyst for Change
Movement heals. When you feel stuck, move. The age-old dictum in psychotherapy is “Do something different”, anything at all that truly isn’t a variation on what you have (or haven’t) been doing, with the emphasis on “Do”.
When you feel depressed, I know it feels impossible to move. And yet…
Choosing Grace Over Grudge: From Hurt to Healing through Change
I was hurt by a colleague in a way that cut deeply. I dealt with it by letting her know I was hurt and surprised that she did what she did, then let it go, or so I thought. Recently she was nominated for something prestigious, and I have the power to veto it.I want to veto it. I want to veto it a lot. I want someone else to get that nomination, who is actually very worthy of it and deserves it more than she does. But I know that many who will vote feel against that. Am I open to changing my position on this? Is this a hill I want to die on? Do I want to give this person and the situation that much power?Well, when I put it to myself that way, the answer is no. I will put forward the other names, and I will argue strongly for them. And then I’ll let it all go. Whew! I passed the test. Being open to changing our position on anything that we are emotionally invested in is really difficult. It can come in many guises: saying no to your dearly beloved son or daughter … or parent, when you know that ‘no’ is the right answer; pointing a finger at someone else in order to protect your ego when you know that other person isn’t to blame. There are many ways we are challenged to change something we know isn’t working, but resist doing it.It's called inertia, and it’s a universal law – any object that is at rest with reman so, and any object in motion will continue in motion at that speed and direction unless something forces it to do otherwise. Change is naturally a challenge, so don’t be too hard on yourself when you encounter a need to make a change.
Heart-Centered Resolutions: Transforming Your Life Through Intentions
It’s another early part of a new year, traditionally a time for setting resolutions and intentions for the next 12 months. Resolutions, like losing 10 pounds in one month, or going back to the gym daily, or becoming a vegan tomorrow tend not to work beyond the month. In fact, it’s rare that resolutions ever work for very long, because they seem to be more about what we believe others want and approve of rather than what we feel will make us happier in the long run. Intentions are about personal growth – at least those that stick – because by doing them we feel hopeful for the future. Without feeling hopeful, life isn’t great. Here are some intentions I’ve set for myself over the years:- Be a good leader- Eat and exercise in a way that supports my health- Make my intimate relationships a priority- Build my practice. These kinds of intentions are big and can be complicated sometimes because they all require commitment for the entire year. I use then as daily guides. Is what I’m about to do in line with my intentions for this year?
Respecting the process in relationship
It’s good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters in the end. - Ursula K. LeGuin
I have a late cancellation policy that I used to feel bad about every time a client cancelled late. Then, somewhere down time, I realized that everything that happens in a therapy or coaching session – it’s all a part of the therapeutic or coaching process. Other than a medical emergency, my client made a decision to do something else. That is their right, as is my right to charge them. We both agreed to it, and it informs us both.
Beyond Reactivity: Building Bridges in the Midst of Differences
No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it. - Albert Einstein
These days, it’s hard not to get into an argument without avoiding. Deferring, deflecting, being agreeable and complacent, saying nothing. It sometimes feels as though it’s either that, or reacting by saying or doing something we’ll regret later. Friends, family, co-workers… ourselves – many people are reactive and ready to take offense.
Expectations and Surprises: Decoding the Language of Confusion
A woman was sitting next to me in a coffee shop in deep conversation with someone over the phone. The discussion was animated, at least on her end. I couldn’t help but notice her expression because it, too, was very animated.
Shifting Perspectives: Embracing the Lion-Mouse Within
A friend told me about a time when she was in a typical work self-improvement seminar, meant to help build team spirit. One exercise involved choosing an image that represented each team member. Each individual would choose one for themselves, and then one for all the other team members, collectively. When it came to her, she chose a lion; her mates chose a mouse.
Striking a Balance: Embracing Hope While Managing Expectations
In a week, I’ll spend a day reviewing the past year and setting my intentions for the new year. In looking back over the year, I began it with hopes for the future and expectations on what that future would be like.
Reflect, Learn, Intend: A Year-End Journey
This is my final blog for 2023, and I wanted it to reflect on the past year to see how it went for me in my world, and set to intentions for the new year, based on what I want to improve and accomplish moving forward. I do this every year-end.
Ears of the Heart
I came across a Latin phrase the other day that sounded like something we could all use today. Today, so many of us are protecting ourselves from accusations and judgments because of misunderstandings or the heightened sensitivities of others.
Perspectives on Fairness
When I was growing up in a family with 2 competing brothers and a sister, ensuring the deserts were exactly the same size was of prime importance. Otherwise, it might imply that one sibling was getting special treatment. And that was not fair!
From Dismissal to Reflection: Transforming Defensive Reactions
I was in a meeting, and someone there said something that, to me, sounded sarcastic and dismissive. I immediately, automatically, became defensive. My way of becoming defensive is to dismiss the person speaking and carry on. That generally works because it causes minimal disruption and I feel it doesn’t make others feel uncomfortable. But I felt uncomfortable, and perhaps others did too and were protecting themselves in a similar way.
The surprising silver lining with disappointment
Quite a while ago, I had a friend who I relied on for advice while I was in a position of authority that was very challenging. I thought I had made an agreement with her that what I said would remain between us, and that she would take anything negative I said with a large grain of salt. It turned out that she did not do that. The disappointment and pain and sense of betrayal I felt was indescribable. I ended our relationship by thanking her for her help and giving her a meaningful gift. That ended things for me in a good way. The pain persists, but not strongly (I have other friends who have helped me in a similar way over the years and have been a really great help).
Journey to Thanksgiving: Reflections on Empathy in a Divided World
I drove to Alabama last week to be with my in-laws for American Thanksgiving. On the way, I listened to public radio, most of which was focused on what is happening in Israel at the moment. I heard impassioned pleas and arguments supporting Israel’s aggression against Hamas, and equally powerful pleas and arguments for a cease fire and for humanitarian aid for those trying to live in Gaza.
Breath as a Lifeline: Navigating Anxiety and Overwhelm
Sometimes my job feels like a gift: every time I manage to really help a person, I feel great. And, every time I manage to help someone, I also help myself, and learn how to help others as well.
In case you haven’t noticed, anxiety is all around us these days. So is panic. For some, because of past pain, every challenge that comes their way feels so threatening that they go into a panic, even if they know they can handle that challenge.
Mirroring – I see you, I see me
I watched 2 friends in conflict: They were missing each other’s message. One of them eventually said to the other “I feel you don’t trust me!” The other felt hurt by that comment and said so, because it was as if their friend was laying the cause of the disagreement at their feet without owning any part of it.
You are good enough!
There’s a commercial online that lifts my spirits every time I view it. The speaker is Tunde Oyeneyin and it’s titled Yes. I. Can. ”… those words in your head? You’re the only one that can hear them. … Say it! Yes. I. Can. Move! ... Yes. I. can. Yes I must! Watch me!”You are good enough.
The Choice Between Collaboration and Teamwork: A Personal Perspective
These days, it’s popular to talk about being part of a team – being a team player is desired, being a loner is not desired.
Sometimes, working in a team seems good – every viewpoint is considered, every desire included, and the end result is – hopefully – something that everyone on the team wants and can stand behind.
The truth is not that clear-cut: often what happens when everyone on a team has an equal say is that either some form of compromise is reached where nobody gets what they want entirely (that’s the best possibility); or factions form and argue for their viewpoint, eventually wearing down any team member who disagrees. It’s rare that the result is what everyone wants, and frequent that the result was obtained through peer pressure.
Practice makes expertise
Practice makes perfect is a quote from Benjamin Franklin that is now a cliché. When I try a new recipe, I follow the instructions with care, and it often turns out well. The second time, I only look at the recipe if I feel lost, and it often does not turn out well. The third time, it becomes something completely different, and sometimes it turns out well. After that, if I continue with it, I develop my own version of that initial recipe that tastes good all the time.In every instance, I eat what I make. (If you’re ever eating at my place, it may be a good idea to find out what repetition I’m on).
The Pusher's Dilemma: How to Channel Stress Productively
At my worst, I’m a pusher – a ‘pusher’ in the sense of what I do to myself (and others) physically, mentally, and emotionally when I am stressed. I know this and have worked at reducing this urge for a number of years. The fact is, though, that when I’m worried and anxious about something, I push. I insist. I shoot forward. I press on. I make sure something urgent gets done no matter what! Now, while this tendency may be perfect in a real emergency, all it does is cause me and others problems otherwise.